


Tuesday's Gone

by CurrentlyLost



Category: Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance
Genre: F/M, M/M, Possible Character Death, but i promise it's kind of a good story, cancer fic, especially Gerard, frerard eventually, independent movie vibes, inspired by lynard skynard's tuesday's gone, my characters are kind of frustrating here too, not really based off of it though, originally published in 2016, repost, some content might be difficult to read, there is smut, there's going to be a decent amount of cussing, this is going to be a very emotional story, yes the song will be there eventually
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-07
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-05-03 11:52:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 31,974
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14568453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CurrentlyLost/pseuds/CurrentlyLost
Summary: There was no going back. He couldn't take away the fact that Gerard is here and he's seen him, and he now knows the secret he's been trying to keep from his best friend and the man he was in love with. Even though this wasn't how Frank wanted Gerard to find out, he was glad he finally knew. It was a weight off of his shoulders, because he was tired of keeping it from him."Surprise?" He nervously chuckled, avoiding the taller man's gaze. He should really learn to keep his mouth shut. He wasn't sure how Gerard was going to react, but he was now prepared for anything, having spent a couple of months coming up with every possible scenario.





	1. Train Roll On Down the Line

**Author's Note:**

> Decided to put this back up! Comment and let me know what y'all think! <3

“Hey, Frank, did you take anything to this table?” Gerard asked his shorter male friend. After looking the order over, Frank nodded.

“Yeah. I actually just took it,” he explained, eyes still glued to the paper before finally looking up at the other man. Frank was shorter than Gerard, or, actually, shorter than most people, so looking up was something he became acquainted with. Gerard seemed to visibly relax, but his eyes still held a nervous look. Being a waiter was having to deal with people’s complaints after their meal.

“Oh, thank God. Were they angry or anything?” He asked. Frank re-tied his apron and then shook his head. Gerard exhaled before finally smiling again, causing Frank to chuckle softly. He’d always been a softie, Frank thought.

“Nah, they were pretty cool people. Very friendly. Let me know if you need anything else, all right?” He said, giving the older male a smile before heading to the back to wash the dishes. It was slow, meaning all the workers could catch up on cleaning before another rush came. Frank was always in charge of washing dishes, even if they seemed to be never ending. He didn’t mind. It meant he didn’t have to converse with anyone, especially customers. It wasn’t like he hated people, though, he just needed a break from them every now and then like most people. But, more than anything, he loved the routine. Rinsing, soaking, washing, rinsing, and then sanitizing before putting them up. It also gave him an excuse to look at his hands to admire his tattoos. He was certainly proud of all the ink staining his body in the most beautiful way. On his hand was a heart with an arrow through it containing his mother’s name in a gothic font. It was his favorite because his mother meant the world to him. On his other hand, it contained dates of a loved one’s life. Although it was on his hand, he never really looked at them unless he was having an especially dark night. A few minutes later, he turned his head at the sound of the door swinging open. He always hated that loud squeak it made.

“Hey, wanna go on break with me?” Gerard asked as he stepped into the dish pit. Frank nodded, drying his hands on his pants before taking his apron off and tossing it next to the sink.

“I take it there’s a lot of food left over?” He asked as they went into the kitchen.

“Yep. I hid a veggie burger with fries for you, and saved a regular burger for yours truly,” Gerard said, clearly proud of himself, as he pulled the plates out from a lower level of the shelf underneath the heating lamps where the food waited to be carried out.

“Aw, how thoughtful of you!” Frank playfully teased.

“Oh, shut up and take the plate,” Gerard responded as he shoved the plate into Frank’s hands. The two headed into the newly built breakroom and took a seat. They were the only two in there which was a normal occurrence because only a few people at a time were allowed to break. Although Frank hated taking a break, if Gerard asked him to join him, he wouldn’t refuse him. He was his best friend, after all.

“Thanks for saving this for me though. Like, seriously,” Frank said, taking a huge bite out of the burger and chewing the huge piece.

“No problem. Now eat up, because I know you haven’t eaten yet, right?” Frank smiled innocently as he shrugged his shoulders.

“You need to start eating more. Especially since you’re always running around everywhere and working long hours,” Gerard scolded him.

“I’ve just been feeling sick lately. So sue me,” he explained, taking another bite. “So how’ve you been, Gerard?”

“The same as always. Just been here way too much. I’m getting tired of it. We seriously need to get out of here.” Frank hummed an agreement as he set his burger down and then took a big gulp of his water.

“Yeah. I’ve been kind of playing around with my guitar a lot more lately and I’ve come up with some chords I think you’d like,” Frank explained enthusiastically. Gerard’s eyes seemed to light up and he sat up a little straighter.

“Really? That’s awesome! Let’s get together on a day off. My next one is Thursday,” Gerard said excitedly. Frank thought for a moment.

“You know, I think Robert is off that day, but he’s been wanting more hours so maybe I can switch shifts with him.”

“Sounds like a plan,” Gerard clapped happily. Frank smirked at his friend’s actions. There was no way in hell Gerard would let _anyone_ see him like this, but that was something that Frank loved about Gerard. He _trusts_ him, and it was a wonderful thing to have. Frank took another drink of his water from his personal bottle and silently watched Gerard eat, his own food lay abandoned in front of him. This didn’t go unnoticed by the older male.

“Are you already done eating, man?” Frank nodded.

“Yeah. I’m not really hungry anymore.”

“You seriously need to go to the doctor, Frank. This is getting bad. You’ve lost weight since you’ve started working here.” Frank rolled his eyes, but his face held a genuine smile.

“Oh, come on, Gerard. I barely ate anyways, so it goes okay with being broke all the time.”

“Yeah, but even whenever you get free food here, you rarely take it!”

“Gerard, I’m fine. Come on, let’s head back to work. I’m sure we’re busy again,” Frank chuckled, avoiding the subject. If there was anything he hated more than a tightly closed place, it was the hospital. He’d spent a lot of time at the hospital while growing up because his father was very ill and always in and out of the hospital until the day he stopped coming out. He didn’t like remembering that, though, so he pushed it away.

“All right, fine,” Gerard sighed. He stood and trashed his food alongside Frank. Gerard walked behind Frank toward the front of the diner they worked at. He observed Frank, noticing how he looked very small. Sure, he was already small, but he looked way too skinny for his age and height and he was very concerned. But he couldn’t force his best friend to go see someone. He had to just wait until he saw something wrong with himself and went.

  


**

  


The rest of the work day went by quickly, as it normally did on busy days and soon the boys found themselves writing down their time of clocking out. Frank gathered his things, waiting for his best friend who stepped away from the machine a little while later.

“Gerard, I’m _so_ tired! Can I get a ride home?” Frank asked him after they clocked out.

“You don’t even have to ask. I just kind of assume that you’re getting in the car with me,” Gerard laughed. Frank gave a tired chuckle and headed out the door with Gerard trailing behind him. After settling in the car and taking off in the direction of Frank’s apartment, the younger man began to feel an uneasiness in his stomach. He’d struggled with digestive problems his whole life, but this felt different to him. The feeling only grew worse the further they drove. At this point, his heavy breathing had become noticed by Gerard, causing the older raise his brow. Frank decided to say something.

“Ugh, my stomach is killing me,” he strained to say, shifting in his seat. Almost abruptly, his throat began to feel tight as if he were going to vomit. He covered his mouth, feeling the bile rise in his throat, but he didn’t feel like he’d throw up. This feeling scared him, but he tried to push it away so he didn’t worry Gerard.

“Oh, shit. Do you need me to pull over?” Gerard asked. Frank frantically shook his head.

“No, no,” he breathed out, shaking his head a little. “The faster I get home, the better. Just, please, no extremely sharp turns.” He leaned his head back against the headrest and tightly closed his eyes, willing the tightness in his throat to go away. The car ride seemed to last forever and Frank thought he was going to explode, but thankfully Gerard said words that helped him settle down.

“All right. We’re here. Do you need help getting to your apartment?” Gerard asked.

“No, I’m fine. It’ll pass. I just need some sleep. I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah? I go in at eleven.”

“I’ll be in at around noon, then. Um, see you,” he waved hesitantly as Frank closed the door. He watched as the younger man slowly walked away, slightly hunched over from the pain in his stomach. He wanted to help his friend, but Gerard knew Frank to be a proud person and also very apologetic. He’d think he was bothering Gerard and Gerard didn’t want to make him feel back, so he hesitantly stepped on the gas and drove away.

Frank walked for what seemed like forever before he made it into his home and shut the door behind him. Immediately, he undressed and went into “You’ll be good by tomorrow, Frank, come on. Don’t get sick. You can’t afford it!” He scolded himself. He laid himself in bed after a dizzying shower, begging his throat and stomach to let him sleep. “You’re just stressed out. Relax,” he nearly sobbed into his pillow. He finally managed to relax and drifted off into as peaceful a sleep as he was going to get. It felt as if he only slept for five minutes before his alarm was blaring in his ear at nine in the morning. He quickly got up, ignoring the tightness in his throat which was still lingering and went to his bathroom. He took another much needed shower and began getting dressed. Ignoring the sick feeling washing over his entire body, he headed out the door and walked his way to work. His limbs felt so very tired, weak almost. But today he was determined to work until closing as he normally did.

He put in his earphones and blasted his oldies, doing his best to sing along to the tunes and forget that he was even feeling terrible. He didn’t blink at all the traffic passing him at high speeds anymore. His first day walking right next to a highway, he’d flinch at every car passing right next to him as his heart raced faster than it ever had.

 

***

 

“Jesus, Frank, you look like shit,” his co worker, Bob, stated. He’d just barely clocked in. Frank sighed

“I feel like it, man. Let’s just get to work and maybe I’ll feel better with some distraction.” Bob gave him a look of concern before finally sighing and nodding his head.

“All right, but if you need to run to the restroom, just go.” Frank nodded, feeling grateful that he understood that he seriously might have to run off. As if some deity was on his side, Frank eventually stopped feeling sick and was able to work to his fullest potential. Gerard came in at noon and the two were instantly inseparable, as always, but managed to get their work done. It was like this for the next day and a half. Frank worked alongside Gerard and talked about their music at break time or outside Frank’s apartment in the parking lot. The two had many late night conversations after work. Gerard would drive him home and the two would talk inside the car for so long that Gerard had to park and shut off the car. They could talk for hours, and Gerard supposed that that’s what best friends were like. He enjoyed being around Frank immensely. Wednesday quickly came and while Frank once again went in at eleven, Gerard was to come in at three. Frank felt that familiar pain in his stomach and became worried. Maybe he _should_ go to the doctors. After some thought, he decided to tell Gerard that he was going to make an appointment for the clinic and that they’d have to get together some other time. Four hours into his shift, he could barely stand. He was glad Gerard wasn’t here yet; he didn’t want him to see him like this. Frank felt like he was ready to puke up all of his stomach, literally. He couldn’t stand the pain anymore. He walked to the front desk, where his manager currently was, and hesitated in telling him that he needed to go home early. He didn’t want to disappoint his boss.

“Hey, Brian,” his voice wobbled. “I’m sorry, but I can’t make it through today,” he whimpered out.

“No, that’s all right, Frank. I was worried. Go home and get some rest. Gerard isn’t coming in today due to a family emergency, so see if someone else can take you home. You’re in no condition to walk.” To Frank, his words seemed far away and distorted. Before he could understand what was happening, he felt a weight come down on his shoulders trying to force him to the floor.

“Brian,” his voice shook. “I don’t think,” he paused, softly gasping for a breath. “I can make it,” he breathed out as he felt his body become light. He fell to the floor, hitting his head on the front desk as he fell.

“Oh, shit- Frank! Someone call an ambulance!” Brian yelled, jumping over the counter and looking over Frank’s body. He refrained from moving him, afraid of doing something wrong. A while later, an ambulance showed up and took Frank away, leaving all of his co workers, customers, and his manager concerned.

“What the fuck just happened, Brian?” Bob asked. He watched as his manager shrugged his shoulders slowly. “Should we let Gerard know?” Brian immediately shook his head.

“No, that’s not our place. Frank will be okay, I think. Besides, with Gerard’s family emergency, it’d be best not to worry him even more,” he explained. Their coworker nodded his head in agreement and reluctantly went back to work. All anyone could do was hope Frank was okay.

 

***

 

“Hello, Mr. Iero. I’m your doctor, Ray Toro. We put an IV in while you were resting these past couple of days,” he explained as he stood over Frank who was still adjusting to the light. “How do you feel?”

“Just really exhausted. Um, did you say a couple of days? As in two?” He asked the doctor with wild, bouncy hair.

“A little over a week,” he said, giving Frank a reassuring smile. The doctor gave him a vibe that he had a goofy side, which relaxed him; allowed him to be calmer than he normally would have in the current situation. “So, as a precaution, I’d like your permission to run a test. An MRI, if that’s okay? I’d just like to make sure everything is okay seeing as you’re underweight for your height and age.” Frank bit his lip, contemplating.

“How much is it going to cost?” He asked. It was like he couldn’t pay for the test, he just couldn’t if it wasn’t important.

“Don’t worry about the expenses, Mr. Iero,” he said, giving him a reassuring smile. Frank finally nodded, agreeing to the test for his health. He wanted to prove to Gerard, and even himself, that there was nothing to worry about.

“I’ll take the test. Do I have to schedule an appointment or something?” He asked, clearly unsure about this type of thing. Up until last year, his mother made all of his appointments. This was something that made him truly feel like an adult.

“I’d actually like to keep you overnight again and then do the test in the morning at around nine. Would that be all right?” He asked, looking down at Frank’s chart. The younger man nodded, not really feeling like he had a choice, considering the doctor knew what was best for him. Dr. Toro smiled. “Great. Get some rest. Your belongings are in a bag on the counter right next to you,” he said before turning and leaving. Frank looked over to where the doctor nodded and reached for the bag, his cell phone being the first thing he pulled out. He had a missed call from Gerard, along with a few text messages, and a few calls from his mom. He quickly dialed his mother. It rang twice before she answered.

“Frank! I’ve been trying to reach you for a couple of days!” She said, her voice holding nothing but worry. Frank felt bad.

“I’m sorry, mom. I was just going through a few things and my phone died without me realizing. I was just calling to let you know that I was okay,” he explained. He didn’t want to tell her that he was currently sitting in a hospital bed because of fainting at work. She’d rush up here for nothing and Frank didn’t want that. His mother’s reluctant sigh pulled him out of his thoughts.

“Okay. Just call me when things are going better, okay?” She asked. “I love you, baby.” Frank smiled, his cold body filling up with warmth.

“I love you, too,” he responded and then the two hung up. Despite having just woken up, Frank already felt very sleepy. He sent a quick text to Gerard stating that he was just resting and that they’d get together at another time before his eyes shut and he drifted off.


	2. Won’t You Please Take Me Far Away?

Frank had gotten a call from the doctor’s office a few days later. He’d missed it, being back at work, but listened to the voicemail. The woman on the phone had informed him that Dr. Toro would like to see him for the results of his test. He found himself extremely nervous. It’d been about five days since his test and he’d forgotten all about it, honestly. He figured no news was good news, but apparently something could be wrong. The thought caused his stomach to knot with nerves. Now he found himself sitting in the doctor's office in a stifling silence, which he despised, waiting for the taller man to come in.

He began tapping his shoes against the carpet, creating a shuffling sound that he tapped his fingers to. He hummed a random tune, thinking that Gerard would probably sing along to it. The thought made him smile just as Dr. Toro entered the room, promptly startling Frank.

“Frank, hello,” he greeted. He took a seat at his slightly cluttered desk and gave him a small smile before suddenly looking extremely uncomfortable. “God, I hate this part of my job. Listen, Frank,” he paused. “Your biopsy came back positive for gallbladder cancer. We caught it at a fairly decent stage, but unfortunately, we didn’t catch it when it would’ve been ideal. We need to get you started on chemotherapy right away…” his voice trailed off in Frank’s mind. The only thing he seemed to hear was the pounding of his heart. He felt like a cliché, but he finally understood why that was a common reaction in movies.

“No. Wait. What?” He asked, blinking his eyes hard as his senses finally kicked back in.

“Frank, I’m sorry,” Dr. Toro said softly. “You have terminal cancer. Without treatment, my medical guess on how much longer you have left would be around nine months to a little over a year.” The doctor gave him a look of pity. “Do you have someone you can contact? Your mother, maybe?” Frank snapped his head over to the doctor at that, immediately shaking his head.

“No. I need some time to tell her,” he muttered, his mind already wandering to dark places. After a moment of silence, Dr. Toro nodded.

“Once you’re feeling up to it, you’re free to go. The nurse will schedule your next appointment at which we will start chemotherapy,” he explained. All of Frank’s dreams of being in a band and leaving his mark on the world vanished from his mind to be replaced with hospitals, needles, medicine, and sickness. His mom, how could he possibly put her through that again? What about Gerard? His best friend; they were in this together. They’d made a silent promise to one another to not leave the other behind. How would he explain to his best friend that he had to leave him? One thing was for sure, he didn’t want chemotherapy. He didn’t want to spend what little time he had left trying to get more.

“I don’t want the treatment, sir. I just want to enjoy my life  _ without _ any doctors. No offense. I’m fine though, so I think I’ll go,” he said as he stood, his legs feeling a little numb. Although the doctor wanted to fight him on his decision, he understood what Frank meant. He was eighteen and forced to think about his options, so he would respect his wishes.

“I understand. If you change your mind, please, give me a call. Here’s my information. You don’t have to go through this alone, Frank,” he said softly, handing him a business card. Frank took it and gave the older man a smile.

“Thank you. It was nice meeting you. I wish it could've been under different circumstances,” he said. 

“I wish the same thing.” Dr. Toro said. The younger man only nodded and took his leave. He needed to get home and just think about what he's going to do. He could quit his job, then maybe leave town. Go on vacation or something. Just  _ Live _ .

Because he didn’t have all the time in the world anymore.

 

***

 

The next few days went by fairly quickly. Brian had insisted that Frank take a few days off after seeing him looking so pale when he'd come into work the next day after receiving the news, but now he was feeling restless and thinking too much from not working for so long. He picked up a shift that another worker dropped, so he was currently making his way to the diner. Gerard had called him a few times over the time he was gone. The first was to ask where he was and the other times after that was to make sure he was okay. He had offered to go over to Frank’s shitty apartment and keep him company, but Frank didn’t want Gerard to see him whenever he was staring at his wall blankly, trying to keep the pain in his  _ soul _ away. 

On another note, he was very glad that Brian and anyone else who was there the day he'd passed out hadn’t mentioned to Gerard what happened. So he was just using the whole “oh, I just needed a small break” excuse to him, which made his best friend very pleased, stating that it was much needed and that he would make sure that the dishes piled up sky high for him. It made him smile. He was really going to miss Gerard, but he knew he was in good hands. He had his girlfriend, Lindsey, to comfort him if he ever felt sad about him being gone.

He’d tried to make a bucket list, but the only thing he could think of was being in a band. It was all he wanted, ever since he could hold a guitar. He lived for the chance to be on a stage, performing for the people who truly wanted to be there as much as him, but he didn’t have enough time anymore. Not with how fucking far away he was from being involved in anything musically.  _ Why _ ? Why did he wait so goddamn long to start pursuing his dream? He had no one to blame but himself. So that’s what he’d do. Blame  _ himself _ .

“Hey, Frank. I didn't know you were working today? I made sure to keep you off the schedule,” his manager said as he walked past his office toward Frank. Frank gave him a smile.

“Hey, Brian. I took up Robert's shift. I need to talk to you after I get out,” he explained. Today was the day he would quit and then figure out what to do from there. He had been thinking about a trip to Hawaii, maybe. His dad had left him a lot of money. Actually, him and his mother, but she put all of it in his savings claiming that it was for him to use whenever he  _ really _ needed.

“Sure thing. Is everything okay?” He asked.  _ No. _

“Yeah,” he assured him. His manager nodded his head with a smile and walked away into the office. As Frank was grabbing a towel to wipe down the tables, he was pulled back into the dish pit by Gerard.

“I didn’t know you were coming back in today. How are you feeling?” Gerard asked him. Frank felt the feeling of a sob coming up, but he held it down and instead gave Gerard a smile.

“Yeah, man. I’m feeling 100% again!” He exclaimed, flexing his arms in his attempt to look strong. His goofy actions caused the older male to stifle a laugh.

“Anyways, it’s been weird without you here. Give me a little warning if you’re not going to be around next time, yeah?” He said, lightly punching Frank in the arm. Not trusting his voice, he nodded. After some small talk, they went their separate ways. Frank went to clean the front while Gerard took orders. They ran into a couple of small disruptions in which Frank had to be called over and asked a bunch of questions about certain tables’ orders, but he didn’t mind doing it if it meant saving Gerard from being berated by rude customers. 

Looking out of the window just as the sun was setting a few hours later, Frank suddenly felt emotional because of how beautiful it looked. Now that he was on limited time, he began noticing how nice certain things were. Like children laughing in the park that he passed on his way to and from work, sunsets, an elderly couple, and even a family eating dinner together. He turned and looked over at Gerard who was also cleaning up now, and sighed as he stuffed the towel he’d been cleaning with in his back pocket. As he was walking over to Gerard, he spotted Brian in his office. He stood still, trying to decide what he should do. Tell Gerard of his illness or just quit and tell him that he was just moving back home?

He sighed in defeat. He couldn’t tell Gerard. He could just detach himself from him and die without Gerard knowing. He’d rather Gerard continue smiling around him instead of just seeing his smile falter every time he saw him. If Gerard got worried about how little Frank ate, he could only imagine how he would react if he knew Frank was dying. He walked in the direction of Brian’s office. He knocked on the door frame, causing his manager to look up at him before smiling.

“Hey, Frank. What can I do for you?” He asked. Frank stepped inside and then quickly closed the door behind him. Whenever the office door was closed, it was automatically locked so someone had to knock or Brian unlocked it if he wasn’t in there.

“Oh, um, my shift is almost up,” Frank said almost shakily. Brian put down the pen he was writing with and turned his chair right towards him. Frank took a seat in the chair placed in front of his desk and took a deep breath.

“I want to put in my two weeks,” he said. Brian gave him an almost shocked look.

“Is everything okay?” He asked. Frank guessed that if it were anyone else, he wouldn’t have questioned, but Frank was one of the only employees who actually enjoyed working and being there. He worked a bunch of overtime just to please another person, and of course for more pay, and he even helped out with the jobs that  _ no one _ else wanted to do. He understood why Brian was confused.

“Ye-yeah, no, of course, I just,” he sighed, ending his sentence there. Should he tell him? He’d been dealing with this news for almost a week on his own, and it was almost unbearable. But no. No, he couldn’t tell him. “I was just planning on moving back home. My, um, sibling has gotten very ill and things aren’t looking so well, so I need to go back and help take care of them,” he said. In a way, he wasn’t really  _ lying _ , he was just revising the truth. Brian nodded his head, giving him a sad smile.

“I understand. Here, just fill this form out and I’ll put it in the system,” he said as he handed Frank the form along with a pen. He quickly filled it out and signed his name on the bottom before handing it back to him. They parted with a smile and, before Frank fully walked out, Brian called his name.

“Yes, sir?” He asked.

“I’m very sorry about your sibling,” he said somberly. Frank gave him a sad smile and a little wave before heading out. He walked back up to the counter and leaned against it, watching Gerard make his way over to him.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” Frank responded. “Wanna come over after work? I wanna show you those chords,” he asked.

“Definitely! Are you heading out now?” Gerard asked. Frank nodded. “If you wanna wait, I get off in an hour,” he offered.

“No, I’ll walk. I gotta go do a couple things and then clean my apartment a little bit,” Frank said.

“All right. I’ll call you when I’m on my way over.” Frank nodded and headed to the back to clock out and toss his apron. 

On his walk home, he thought to take a detour and just head to the bookstore to see what new reads he could fine, but settled on taking his month's rent out and then just heading home. After getting the money order and putting it away, he quickly washed the dishes he hadn’t been able to, vacuumed the slightly dirty rug, and tossed his clothes in the washer. After feeling satisfied with what he’d done, he checked his watch. 15 minutes until Gerard got out. He decided he had enough time to take a quick shower. After his shift, he liked to wash away the smell of grease and sweat from his body so he laid in a clean bed.

“I could always tell him tonight,” Frank muttered to himself. “Just, maybe, casually toss it out there, you know? ‘Oh, so these are the chords, I’m dying, so I hope you like them’? No, no, that’s fucked up.” He banged his head on the wall. He sighed once more before shutting the water off and getting out. As he was pulling on his pajamas, he heard a knock at his door.

“Hey. How was the last hour without me?” Frank teased as he stepped aside to let the taller man in.

“Oh, God, just  _ horrible _ ,” Gerard said overdramatically. Frank laughed, offering him a seat on his futon.

“I bet. Want anything to drink?”

“Depends on what you have.”

“Uh, water and some sweet tea,” he offered.

“Ah, water would be fine.” He went over to the fridge and grabbed a bottle of water. “Heads up,” Frank said as he tossed the bottle to Gerard after making sure he was looking.

“Thanks, man. So show me those chords.” Frank nodded. He dragged his guitar case over and took his baby out.  _ I wonder who I’ll give this to _ , he found himself wondering as he stared at his Les Paul. He shook the thoughts away.

“So, they aren’t perfect, but just let me know,” he said. Gerard nodded and listened closely as he strummed his guitar to the chords that played his heart out. During the middle of the song, Gerard stopped him.

“Frank, man. Listen, I have a song that I wrote that would be perfect for that melody!” He exclaimed. Frank smiled in response.  _ I’ll write down all of these chords and give them to Gerard. If I can’t be by his side whenever he makes it as a singer, then I’ll sure as hell give him a boost _ .

“Let’s get together tomorrow. I’ll bring my songs, and you can read them and see what fits with what!” Frank’s eyes nearly watered at Gerard’s excitement. “Oh, my God, Frank! We’re finally gonna fucking do it!” He said as he grabbed the shorter male by the arms and hugged him tightly. Frank chuckled and hugged him back, embracing the hug.  _ Well, at least I’m not dying tomorrow _ , he thought. 


	3. Now I Feel the Wind Blow Outside My Door

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapters start getting longer here so enjoy! <3 Let me know what y'all think!

For the next week and a half, both men spent every hour together outside of work working on their music. Frank started feeling better about leaving Gerard, because at least he’d basically have an album left after Frank died. He still shuddered at the thought of his own death, but chose not to worry about it. He only had three days left at the diner and he seemed to grow more anxious at the thought of leaving without another word to his best friend.

“Hey, Frank, are you all right?” Bob asked him. Frank looked up from the cup of water he was unaware he’d been staring at and looked at his coworker. Bob was holding a full tray over his shoulder while glancing over at him, concern written all over his face.

“Oh, yeah. Just lost in thought, I guess,” he shrugged off.

“If you feel unwell or like you might pass out again, then don’t hesitate to tell anyone so we can get you some help, okay?” He said. Frank suddenly felt overwhelmed by gratefulness for Bob. He’d always just been the guy he worked with and made occasional conversation with, but, for the first time, he finally saw him as a friend. He smiled over at the taller blond haired male.

“That really means a lot, Bob. Thanks,” he said as he patted the man’s shoulder. Maybe he doesn’t have to be completely alone.

“Hey, Bob, um, I’ll help you take that if you let me tell you something?” He offered. Although Bob looked confused, he shrugged his shoulder and nodded.

“Sure thing. What are friends for?” Frank felt slightly guilty that Bob had already considered them friends while he only just realized it, but he shook the feeling away and followed after the man. Together, they went around the fairly large diner and delivered drinks to the proper tables with a smile. Gerard watched from the register as Frank and Bob laughed at some joke before walking their way toward the dish pit. Seeing there were no other customers coming in, he abandoned his post and made his own way toward the other two men. Just before he pushed the swinging door open, he heard Bob speak.

“So what did you wanna tell me?”

“Well, I put in my two weeks and my last day is Sunday. I haven’t told anyone yet, but I didn’t wanna leave without anyone knowing,” he heard Frank explain. What? Why hadn’t he told Gerard about this? They’ve spent nearly every day with one another, with the exception of his weekly date nights with his girlfriend, but Frank never said a word. Why?

“What about Gerard?” Bob asked. Frank stared down at the floor guiltily, staying silent.

“Jesus, Frank, you haven’t told him? Are you planning to?”

“I-I don’t know, Bob. There’s more to the story than I’m willing to tell. But there’s reasons why I can’t tell  _ him _ , especially,” he said. Before Bob could respond, the door slammed open to a rather seething Gerard.

“You weren’t going to fucking tell me?” Frank stood still, afraid to move as Gerard made his way over to him. He’d  _ never _ seen Gerard mad, and, so far, he wasn’t a fan.

“Gerard,” he whispered, “Th-there’s more to it than you think, okay?” He tried. He looked over to Bob for help, but all he got was a terrified look accompanied with a shrug.

“Then why don’t you tell me?” The black haired man suggested. Frank frantically shook his head.

“I can’t. I just can’t tell anyone.” He felt tears coming to his eyes, but he willed them to stay away. He couldn’t cry now; it’d only raise more suspicions. Gerard scoffed and turned away from him.

“I’ll be over later for my things.” Then he walked away. That was it, he thought, Gerard hated him.  _ Well, at least it won’t be too hard for him after I leave _ .

“Frank, are you alright, man? I’ve never seen Gerard like that before,” Bob said as he put his hand on Frank’s shoulder and squeezed comfortingly. He didn’t trust his voice so he settled for nodding. He needed to leave already. He couldn’t stay the remainder of his two weeks here with Gerard pissed off at him. He took his apron off and handed it to Bob, giving him a sad smile.

“Screw the two weeks. I’m leaving now. Thanks, Bob, for being such a great guy. Um, you ever need anything, you have my number, yeah?” Bob nodded. He’d given his number to the taller man after wanting some information on some music equipment.

“See you, Frank,” Bob said as he watched as Frank grabbed his jacket off the coat rack before making his way toward Brian’s office. He knocked on the door and walked in when he heard a muffled ‘come in.’

“Things have come up, Brian. I have to leave sooner than I thought. Like, right now,” he said, his voice cracking half way through his sentence. He received a hug from his manager.

“Take care of yourself, Frank,” he said.

“I’ll… I’ll do my best. You were an amazing manager. I’ll miss you, man.” Then they smiled at one another before Frank turned and left the diner. He’d miss their coffee, their friendly atmosphere, he’d miss Bob and Brian, too. But, more than anyone, he’d miss Gerard. He wouldn’t have to say goodbye to him until later though. He made his way up to the bank watching as all the cars passed him at high speeds. He noticed people honking at drivers that were moving too slow, but he didn’t understand why the world was in such a rush. Work wasn’t going anywhere, neither were stores and restaurants, but he supposed the world just worked like that and he hadn’t noticed until his time was short. It was odd knowing that he was sick, but not feeling that way. It wasn’t like a fever or a stomach virus, it was just the knowledge. It was something he found strange. He walked down a less crowded and dangerous road, listening to his music and relishing in the sight of the trees and fields. Once he reached the building, he walked inside and patiently waited in line. It was a slow day for the bank, so he knew he wouldn’t have to wait too long.

“Next, please,” an older man’s voice reached Frank’s ears. He stepped up to the slot and looked at how much older he was. An age Frank would never reach. His heart clenched, but he forced a smile, hoping he looked decently happy. “Hello, sir. How may I help you this evening?” He asked Frank, but not before glancing at the clock on his desk. It was half an hour until closing time and he was hoping this kid wouldn’t take too long. He was exhausted and just wanted to go home and sleep. Frank cleared his throat, catching the man’s attention once more.

“I’m going to be moving overseas. I’d like to close my account, withdrawing everything in it,” he explained. He had his checkings account, which held all of his pay from the diner and his savings account, which held everything his father had put away from him and what his mom had put in there from his life insurance. It felt wrong to be taking that, but he just wanted to live before he died. His dad could understand that, right?

“Of course. I’ll need your name and your account card, sir,” the man, Matthew according to his name tag, asked.

“Frank Iero,” he answered as he pushed his account card across the desk towards him. The accountant typed in his information on the computer system and nearly coughed at the amount displaying everything he had, but held it in, knowing it would be rude.  _ Some people have all the luck, don’t they? _ Matthew asked himself. After signing a few documents, showing his I.D and social, and conversing with the manager, he walked out of the bank with a couple of briefcases. He knew it was probably dangerous to ask for all cash, but whatever. This was his money. He wasn’t planning on spending all of it. Just enough to enjoy himself before he died, then the rest went to his mother. Oh, his  _ mother _ . Losing her husband and son to the same fucking thing. It was cruel. It was cruel of God to do, but he couldn’t change anything. When would he tell his mother? He ran his hands through his hair frustratingly as he stood in front of his apartment door. He unlocked the door, picked up his bags and walked inside.

“I hate you, Frank,” he mumbled to himself as he packed a few suitcases. He dug through his drawer and pulled out a few journals he’d kept hidden from everyone. All of them consisted of random song lyrics he made up, guitar chords to melodies he’d once thought of, and some full songs he’d had the inspiration to complete. He quickly grabbed a pen and opened one of them to the last page. He put the pen to the page and wrote. After completing what his heart needed to get out, he set them down on the coffee table and then took a seat on his futon to wait for Gerard to bang on his door. For hours, he stared blankly at his wall, not caring to wipe away all the tears that had fallen and wouldn’t stop. He wanted to scream and hit things and break everything he could get his hands on. He hated himself for not being healthy, just like he blamed his dad. Just like he blamed God for making them as unhealthy as they were. Maybe that’s why he was dying, because God was punishing him for his anger toward him.

“Great going, Frank. This really is  _ your _ fault,” he sobbed. Just then, a few bangs came upon his door, causing him to jump in surprise. He walked to answer it, quickly wiping his tears away with his jacket sleeve before he took a deep breath and opened the door. There stood Gerard with his arms crossed over his chest and jaw clenched. He stepped aside to let him in, closing the door as Gerard moved passed him without any word.

“Did you find another job nearby?” He asked Frank when he was unable to stay silent any longer. He wanted answers.

“Um, no. I’m not working anywhere else,” Frank muttered, avoiding eye contact.

“Then what the fuck, Frank?”

“I’m not just leaving the diner, okay? I’m leaving this city. Returning home,” he lied at the end.

“Why didn’t you tell me? Why were you just going to leave without saying anything?” His voice lowered to just above a whisper, sounding defeated.

“I… I just didn’t know how to say it.”

“What about our music?” Gerard, asked, stepping to his own bags he’d left here filled with clothes and his personal notebooks filled with drawings and lyrics. He’d never let anyone look in them. Not his girlfriend, Lindsey, and not even his younger brother, Mikey. Frank walked over to his own stack of journals and picked them up.

“I thought about that. Here,” he said, pushing them into Gerard’s hands. “These are filled with all the lyrics and guitar chords I’ve ever thought of. Use these for your own success, okay? I know you’ll do great things, Gerard,” he said, standing before his best friend. The only man he’d ever fallen in love with. Life just wasn’t fair, was it? He almost wanted to kiss Gerard, knowing he’d never see him again. He watched as the taller man looked down at the journals, studying them, before looking back up at Frank.

“Why, uh, Why do you sound like you're saying goodbye?” Gerard asked shakily.

“I am. I’m not coming back.” They stood in silence for a while before Gerard spoke once again.

“Frank, I-I don’t know what to say. I don’t even know what to  _ feel _ . I want to be so pissed off with you, but knowing that I’ll never see you again,” he paused, “I just can’t.”

“Just promise me something, okay?” Gerard nodded.

“What is it?”

“Promise me you’ll get out of here. You have to promise me that,” Frank begged. After a moment of stillness, Gerard nodded again.

“I promise, Frank. I promise.” And that was it. He hugged his best friend tightly for as long as he could and walked him out to his car. As he was watching Gerard drive away, he was glad it was so late and no one else was outside, because he didn’t want to have to hide his tears.

He didn’t know when Gerard would find what he wrote, but he knew he’d have left the city by then. He walked back to his apartment and slowly dragged himself to his bed. He went to sleep that night dreaming dreams he knew would never come true. It was only torture.


	4. Means I'm Leaving My Woman Behind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for my absence! I'm in Conneticut and that's where I've been for the last 15 days! I'll be going home tomorrow so I'm excited to see my cat again <3 I hope y'all enjoy this chapter; comment and let me know your thoughts

“All flying passengers to Honolulu, Hawaii now boarding in Gate A9. Have a safe flight,” the announcer spoke through the intercom. It had been almost five days since Frank bid Gerard goodbye and, within that time, he’d paid to break his lease and put all of his heavy objects from the apartment in a storage facility. He’d only packed his clothes in a few suitcases and stuffed his journals, books, personal treasures, a photo album, and his iPod into his carry-on backpack. He’d paid for the storage for six months because it was the cheaper deal, thinking of it caused Frank to laugh softly, “Rich until I die and I’m still cheap.”

Over the days, Gerard had only tried contacting him once. It was by text message, which read: “I know this is probably the last thing you want to hear and it’s selfish of me, but please don’t go. Stay.” Frank stared at the message until his eyes hurt from his burning tears, wondering if he should answer. In the end, he chose not to. It would make it harder to leave and he  _ needed _ to do it. He walked over to the gate and waited patiently in line. The sappy cliche part of him wished Gerard would show up yelling his name like in the movies, but he found it useless. Gerard didn’t even know where he was going. He’d already called his mother to explain, and lie, that his phone was going to be disconnected due to lack of money. She offered to pay it, but he insisted that he would pay it himself with his next paycheck. That was two days ago and his phone had been powered off by his own hands. Maybe he’d start the device once he landed, but it was a far-fetched thought.

He entered the plane with no trouble and he was thankful he had everything correct for the check out. He was allowed two carry-ons, but decided on only keeping his backpack. Sitting in his seat, he zipped open his bag and searched for his iPod, soon finding it under his photo album. After setting the device aside, he found himself reaching for the album, but stopped. He didn’t want to flip through it, because he knew his mind would be willing him to flip to the last picture. The one of him and Gerard. They’d taken it when Frank’s mother came to visit her son, insisting that they had to for memories’ sake. That was another problem: his mother absolutely adored Gerard and really wanted them to date, even though she knew very well Gerard wasn’t gay and only thought of Frank as a friend. Once he told her of his illness, another thing he was unsure of when, he knew with certainty her thoughts would also drift to Gerard’s. Just like Frank’s had.

_ Why hadn’t I told him I loved him? _ He scolded himself. He was never going to see him again, so what was possibly stopping him? He knew the answer all too well. Gerard would be upset. He’d ask Frank why he didn’t tell him. Or, worse, why he did. Frank didn’t want to see the disgust in his friend’s eyes. And it wasn’t that Gerard was a homophobe, because he wasn’t, but it was that Frank stayed so close to him while being aware of having such feelings. Gerard would feel betrayed, violated even. As he was waiting for takeoff, he plugged in his earphones and looked out his first class window seat. He smiled, proud that he allowed himself to fly so expensively.  _ I’m not living forever _ , he thought,  _ I may as well enjoy myself _ . He soon fell asleep, thinking of Gerard. If he were happy.

 

*

 

“Gerard? Is everything okay?” Lindsey, Gerard’s girlfriend of three years, asked him. It is the night of their weekly date and, despite taking extra measure to prevent it, Lindsey still noticed something was wrong. He nearly grimaced.

“Nothing. Why?” He asked. They were at the movie theater and the lights were already down. He realized, in order for her to question his behavior, it must have been noticeable throughout the entire night.

“Gerard,” she said sternly. He sighed, covering his face with his hands. He didn’t want to think about why, because Frank was why. He was the reason. It felt  _ odd _ knowing Frank wasn’t there anymore. Even at work, the normal friendly atmosphere seemed to leave right out the door with his friend. He still found himself looking for the shorter man when his break came, because he wanted to each lunch with him. When the realization came, he sat in the breakroom alone. Sad. Defeated. And Frank was the reason. He looked over at his girlfriend and she appeared to be waiting for him to elaborate on his, clearly, distraught expression.

“My friend, um, Frank. You know, the one I told you about?” She nodded. “He suddenly just decided to quit his job at the diner and leave the city,” he sighed, sinking lower in the cushioned theater seat. Lindsey placed her hand on his and squeezed lightly. Gerard found himself frowning more, and for such a silly thought. Once, at work, Frank had to comfort him in the breakroom, because a customer chewed him out. Although his facial expression remained indifferent, Frank could tell it hurt him.  _ After all _ , Gerard realized,  _ Frank knew I was a big softie from his first day there _ . Frank’s way of comforting him was to grab his hand and stroke the back of his head with his unpreoccupied one. Even though Gerard knew he should feel weirded out by the actions coming from another man, he didn’t want Frank to stop. Shaking his head of the old thoughts and memories, he focused back to the woman sitting next to him and forced a smile.

“I know you two were really close, but maybe he’ll come visit you,” she offered. He shook his head once more.

“No. He said he wasn’t. He looked really torn up about it, you know. He mentioned not being able to tell anybody the full story, especially me, so there was nothing I could do about it. No matter how much I wanted to know, I’m never going to see him again,” he explained. He knew he was acting weird. Gerard had never shown this kind of attachment for anyone so easily, not even for Lindsey, but he just poured his heart about the best friend he’s ever had. Sure, they hadn’t grown up with one another, but how  _ long _ they knew each other didn’t matter, because from the words “No way! You like the Smashing Pumpkins, too?!” it was the beginning of a beautiful friendship. Lindsey didn’t say much more, but Gerard couldn’t blame her. What were you supposed to say about that?

After Gerard walked Lindsey home -she didn’t live far from the cinema- he decided he’d go and visit his friend, Ray, who he hadn’t spoken to for a few weeks. He’d missed his dear friend, but found it hard to talk as much as they used to due to both of their hectic work schedules.  _ Ray’s is more demanding, though _ , Gerard thought.  _ Fucking doctor _ . He smiled, feeling proud of his childhood friend. What he really hated about Ray’s job was how Gerard, himself, was now more involved than ever. A few weeks ago, he got a call from his mother. She was with his brother, Mikey, at the hospital and he needed to get down there quick, she told him. Following her words, he quickly phoned work to alert Brian of his upcoming absence, before bolting out the door of his own apartment. The news he received that day tore his heart into billions of little pieces. Cancer. His brother, only twenty, was diagnosed with stage two breast cancer. Mikey was terrified, Gerard could tell. And once they’d finally come to be alone together at Mikey’s request, he sobbed against Gerard’s chest questioning what he’d done to deserve such a horrendous illness. “Nothing,” Gerard soothed, “You’ll get through this, Mikey. You’re strong and I’m right by your side.”

It must have been difficult for Ray, because he was Mikey’s oncologist. He was also great friends with him; they’d all attended the academy together. Coming to a stop in front of Ray’s home, he got out of the car and knocked on his front door after reaching it. A very depressed Ray slowly answered.

“Hey, Gerard,” he greeted dejectedly. Gerard was now concerned.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, walking in after Ray stepped aside. Ray shook his head.

“I can’t tell you.” Oh, Gerard thought, a patient.

“You don’t have to use names,” he assured. After some mental debate, Ray gave in. Before speaking, he invited Gerard to the kitchen for coffee, which Gerard gladly accepted.

“I had this young man, eighteen, just barely an adult and starting his life, you know?” Gerard nodded, waiting for Ray to continue. After setting the coffee pot to start, he took a seat across from Gerard at the table, his face in his hands. “He was admitted unconscious. He was out like a light for a little over a week. A coma, basically. It was odd so I ordered a lot of tests. He’s going to die, Gerard. He’s fucking eighteen and he barely has a year left. Without the experimental treatment,” he poured out, his voice slightly muffled from his hands and cracked from his emotions. Ray always cared too much. Gerard’s thoughts went to the unknown man. He felt for him. He wouldn’t know what to do in his situation, but was thankful he at least had some type of treatment to prolong his life. Just as he were about to voice his thoughts to the doctor, Ray sighed, finally looking up to Gerard.

“He doesn’t want the treatment. He said he just wanted to live.” Gerard could also understand that. This man had dreams and goals he may not live to reach. He wanted, instead of spending his limited time trying to get more, to do the things he could.

“It’s a very sad thing, Ray, but you can’t beat yourself up, all right? Maybe he’ll change his mind. You never know.” Ray hummed an agreement as he stood to pour them coffee, now finished brewing, before speaking.

“So what brings you here at eleven at night?” He asked.

“My coworker, Frank.” Was all he said.

“Okay,” Ray said, setting a mug in front of Gerard before returning to his seat. “What about him?”

“Thanks. He and I were very close. I hadn’t been able to connect with anyone since I met you in elementary, but he and I had a connection from his first day at the diner,” he explained.

“So what’s the problem?”

“He just up and left. He quit the diner and moved out of his apartment. He gave me his journal of lyrics and guitar chords and told me to make something of myself. He said there was more to the story than he was willing to tell anyone, especially  _ me _ . Whatever that means,” he mumbled, taking a small drink of his coffee and savoring the feel of the bitter liquid spilling over his tongue and falling down his throat. He looked over at Ray, waiting for his response.

“I don’t know what to say, Gerard. Do you, like, love him?” He asked.

“Of course I do. He’s one of my best friends,” he said, clearly not understanding Ray’s meaning.

“No. I mean, like in love with him?” He clarified. This caused Gerard to choke on the next drink of his coffee he was currently taking.

“What?” He coughed, “No way! I don’t like men!” He defended. Looking at his friend skeptically, Ray decided to try something out.

“Okay. Cool. So is he cute?” Ray asked, leaning closer to Gerard. The other man gave him an unreadable look.

“He isn’t your type. He’s short. Here, I have a picture of us.” Gerard got his phone out and scrolled through his pictured before coming to the one he mentioned. It was his favorite one. It was taken at a carnival that had come into town and they attended together, and Frank jumping against the walls from the excitement from his first carnival. Ray cleared his throat, catching the attention of the man staring down fondly at his phone. Embarrassed with being caught, Gerard just tossed his phone to Ray.

“Look. See? His too short for your type,” Gerard explained, downing the rest of his coffee, not minding the feel of the burn. He missed the look of shock on his friend’s face at seeing the face of the person causing him to lay awake at night. And, no, it was for attraction, but rather for worry. He wanted this boy to live, but he couldn’t force him into anything. Realizing that Frank chose not to tell Gerard, he quickly hid the fact his knew him. Doctor-Patient confidentiality made him feel less guilty. If he just suddenly up and left, he must not have told anyone of his condition. Ray heart clenched in his chest. Frank was in this alone.

“Yeah, too short, but nice face,” Ray laughed off. Gerard seemed to grimace, dismissing the little ball of jealousy toward Ray’s words. The two men talked for a while longer until Gerard decided to leave, wanting Ray to get his rest. He laid in bed that night thinking of Frank. If he was happy.


	5. Tuesday’s Gone With The Wind

“Gerard, I don’t mean to tell you to get over it, but it’s been over two weeks since Frank’s left. Can’t you just call him if you really miss him  _ that _ much?” Bob asked the seemingly grumpy man. Nothing has stopped Gerard from getting depressed and ill-tempered, not even the common courtesy of acting decent to the customers. All in all, it’s safe to say he’s gotten shitty tips, which is affecting his pay and, in turn, affecting his weekly date nights with his girlfriend. He hasn’t really been able to take her out, so their date night for the past couple of weeks is spent taking walks in the park by the pond near her apartment or going to a restaurant and only ordering the cheapest thing they can find and sharing.

“It’s not like I haven’t tried, Bob. He just doesn’t answer me,” he sighed angrily. He missed the days where it only took Frank five seconds to answer any of his messages. He was always so excited to talk to Gerard. It made sense, he supposed, seeing as he and Gerard were instantly best friends from Frank’s first day living in this city. But, now that he’s gone, he can’t ever seem to get ahold of him. He must’ve sent over six messages Frank’s way, but none of them answered. He tried calling once, but it went straight to voicemail, so he figured his number was either blocked or his phone was shut off. He was honestly hoping for the latter.

“Well, he gave me his number before he left. He said if I ever need anything, so maybe I’ll give it a shot soon,” Bob stated more to himself than Gerard. But it did catch the older man’s attention. He quickly rushed to Bob’s side, giving him a look that said ‘so you know I love you, right?’ causing Bob to give a small shake of his head.

“I swear, you’re in love with the boy.” This caused Gerard to freeze in his spot. Did he really look  _ love-struck _ ? It was impossible. He’d never thought about Frank that way, but whenever Ray first mentioned it to him, he couldn’t help but let his mind drift to that side. He could honestly see himself holding Frank’s hand or tucking a strand of the shorter man’s unkempt hair behind his ear, only to do it again because it wouldn’t stay. He could see he and Frank sitting on the floor of his apartment watching old Disney movies while eating microwaved dinners because neither of them were the best cooks. He smiled to himself at how  _ cute _ the things Frank did really were, before catching himself and shaking the thoughts away. He has a loving girlfriend, whom he loves dearly, and he isn’t going to throw that away for  _ one guy _ . Yes, he was Gerard’s best friend, but he left and he was more than positive he wasn’t going to come back. He doesn’t even know where his hometown is, so it’s not like he could follow him even if he wanted to.

“You’re funny, Bob,” he laughed after realizing how long it was taking him respond to Bob’s statement.

“You didn’t deny it, man. There’s nothing wrong with it, you know. If it’s any consolation, I’m almost positive that he’s head over heels for you, too.”

“How do you even know he’s into men?” He asked, trying to avoid responding to  _ that _ , because what was he supposed to say?

“It’s just something you notice about him, I guess? I mean, it’s not like he makes it obvious, but seriously, man, have you seen the way he  _ looks _ at you?”

“You mean like we’re good friends?” Gerard said, not believing what Bob was saying. To Gerard, Bob was out of his mind and confusing things and watching too many dramas.

“Shit, I wish I had attractive friends who looked at me like I was the answer to life,” Bob sighed. Gerard raised his brow.

“Did you just call Frank attractive?” He shrugged in response.

“I know an attractive man when I see one. Other men are always “checking out” other men. It’s natural. It’s to check out competition. Women do it, too. So, yes, Frank is an attractive little bastard, but that doesn’t mean I want to date him, you feel?”

“You’ve been reading into things too much. Either way, Frank’s gone now and that’s that, okay?” He said, putting his foot down. He refused to listen to Bob’s nonsensical jabbering any longer.

“Good! Now that we’ve established that you need to let all of that go, you better stop acting like someone killed your cat, because you’re soon to get fired.” Then he walked away with a sly smile on his face. Gerard rolled his eyes, but held a smile on his face. For the first time since Frank left, it didn’t feel forced.

“Gerard, break time. Take a breather and try to get into a better mood,” Brian said as he came up next to him behind the register. Gerard refrained from sighing and instead nodded his head and took his apron off, stuffing it into the little cubby behind the counter. He didn’t feel like eating, and that was a lingering feeling, so he just made his way to the break room and sat there by himself. He seemed to notice that he’s dropped a couple of pounds, but he just didn’t feel like eating. He pulled his phone out and found himself staring at the picture of him and Frank he showed to Ray what felt like a few days ago, but was really two weeks ago. He wished he could see Frank’s eyes light up the way they did when they first arrived at the festival.

_ “Hurry, Gerard! We’re gonna be late!” Frank whined from his living room. Gerard had only arrived a minute ago, but had to use the restroom before they left, because there was no way in hell he was going to use one of those damn port-a-pottys. He’d cut off his hand with a rusty butter knife before even thinking about using one of those. _

_ “Late for a festival that lasts three days?” He asked, coming out of Frank’s room where the restroom was held, as he dried his hands on his pants. _

_ “Hey, this is my  _ first _ festival. Cut me some slack. Why aren’t you taking Lindsey, by the way?” He asked as they left Frank’s place. _

_ “Well, she doesn’t really like those places, because of a bad experience she had when she was little. But as soon as you told me you’d never been to one- which I still find is total bullshit and you were deprived of a decent childhood, no offense- I knew I had to take you,” he explained as they walked down to Gerard’s car. _

_ “Thanks.” After buckling themselves in, Gerard pulled out of the apartment complex’s parking lot and started the half hour drive downtown. Frank was bouncing in his seat with pure excitement. _

_ “This is the greatest day of my life,” he said, causing Gerard to glance over at him for a second, giving him a smile. _

_ “Yeah?” _

_ “Of course!” Frank was practically shaking in his seat from excitement and decided to turn on the radio because he  _ hated _ whenever they drove in silence for longer than five minutes. It wasn’t that it wasn’t an uncomfortable silence, but it made the small noises echo. Like if he shifted in his seat and his clothes made a shuffling sound, it sounded like those soap operas he hated, but still found interest in. There was probably nothing he hated more than the shuffling of clothes, because it was like nails on a chalkboard to him. Or the sound of a fork scraping against a plate. Or people chewing with their mouths open. Or slurping up their drink obnoxiously and giving an over exaggerating sigh of satisfaction after swallowing. Ugh. Yes, all of that, he thinks to himself. _

_ “Touching my radio?” Gerard asked, keeping his eyes on the road. _

_ “Well, someone has to show it love, you monster,” Frank responded, flipping through the stations until he found a song well worth listening to. Welcome to the Jungle is a song no human in existence could  _ ever _ bring themselves to change the station from. _

_ “I could turn around right now, you know,” Gerard said, getting on the right lane, ready to turn off on the next exit. _

_ “Did I mention how much I love you and worship the ground you walk on?” Frank said, batting his eyelashes at him. Gerard chuckled. _

_ “That’s what I love to hear.” _

_ “That’s something a monster would say,” Frank murmured. _

_ “What was that?” _

_ “Nothing. I was just saying that that restaurant over there looks interesting,” he said, pointing to a random one they were passing by. Maybe Gerard would’ve believed him if it hadn’t been a Burger King. _

_ “You hate fast food. That’s a fact about you that I will  _ never _ forget because you imprinted it into my brain in such a cruel way. In fact, so cruel, My Heart Will Go On wouldn’t even compare to it.” _

_ “Ugh! Don’t get me started on the fucking Titanic, Gerard. Because I swear-” Gerard waved one of his hands in the air. _

_ “Yeah, yeah. I know,” he paused, “‘That bitch could’ve scooted over and said ‘hey, babe, we’ll take turns so you won’t freeze to death because of my fucked up need to watch you die,’” Gerard slightly deepened his voice, mimicking Frank’s voice. He should have known better than to bring up  _ anything _ related to the Titanic, because Frank once ranted to him for two hours about everything wrong with Rose Dawson’s act all because Gerard mentioned that he passed an article about Celine Dion. It was safe to say that Frank had some  _ serious _ issues with that movie and wasn’t afraid to make it known. _

_ “Well, it’s true! She totally just-” _

_ “Yeah, I know. Let him die. It’s a movie, Frank. The love story didn’t really happen, you know. Get over it.” Frank huffed, crossing his arms. _

_ “Wanna know something funny?” Frank asked. Gerard actually did. Every time Frank asked that, he normally explained something embarrassing about himself, and Gerard definitely didn’t want to miss out on an opportunity to make fun of his best friend. _

_ “Naturally,” he responded. Frank laughed. _

_ “Who’s on first?!”Frank exclaims, making Gerard laugh. _

_ “I remember that. My teacher showed it to us when I was a senior and it was the funniest thing ever. No one else but the teacher and I laughed though.” _

_ “Dude! Same. Anyway, back to the funny thing. I didn’t know that the love story between Jack and Rose didn’t exist until two years ago.” Gerard covered his mouth to try and hold in his laugh but only resulted in letting out a raspberry from his hand, causing Frank to laugh. _

_ “That was attractive,” Frank giggled. _

_ “Never mind that. How did you manage to believe that it actually happened for  _ so _ long?” Gerard asked, still laughing. _

 

_ “Well, I didn’t know the writers were liars! I trusted them.” _

_ “Oh, God, Frank,” Gerard chuckled, “you’re too much.” Before Frank could respond, he spotted a Ferris wheel just down the road. He tugged hard at Gerard’s shoulder, causing them to slightly swerve. _

_ “Jeez, don’t try to kill us.” _

_ “Do you see that? Look! A Ferris wheel!” _

_ “You act like you’ve never seen one before,” Gerard sighs, taking a glance at the shorter man, whose eyes were as lit up as if he’d seen Ryan Reynolds or Bob Downey Jr. in the flesh. _

_ “Not in person, you know that,” Frank absently answered, too enamored with the festival as it came more into view. He didn’t know what most of the rides were called, but he was determined to figure it all out. Since the sun was already setting, he was so excited to be able to experience everything at night, because everything was always better at night. And even though Gerard didn’t even come close to thinking about this as a date, Frank did, not that he’d ever let the other man know. Before Gerard could fully park his vehicle in a decent parking space considering the time, Frank was already getting out of the car. _

_ “Hurry!” He yelled to Gerard. Gerard laughed, shutting off the car and getting out himself. He pocketed his keys and made his way next to Frank. “This is  _ so _ exciting! I’ve gotta take pictures and send them to my mom. Maybe I can bring her here one day! Oh, I bet she’d love it. We’ve never been on any rides, but maybe I won’t be scared of them, you know? But what if I am? What else could I do to enjoy myself here? I hope I end up enjoying the rides! What’s the best one here? What’s your favorite? What’s your least favorite? Can we go up on the Ferris wheel? I’ve heard that it’s only for couples, but who cares? Let’s get on it! I’ve gotta see the city from up so high! Oh, look, we’re at the entrance! Hurry, come on, Gerard! You’re walking so slowly. Why are you looking at me like I grew a second head?” _

_ “Take a breath, man! You’re talking, like, a twenty miles a minute. I didn’t hear any of that,” Gerard explained as they walked past the entrance, Gerard having bought their wristbands a week in advance for a pretty good price. _

_ “Sorry, I’m just so excited. I’m also hungry. Should we eat now or after trying out some rides?” _

_ “After the rides. Before we leave, we’ll head over to the food stands. We have two hours before the circus acts start.” Frank nodded in approval. The first line they stood in was for a ride called the Spider. Despite being  _ terrified _ of spiders, he wasn’t about to let that stop him. For the next hour and fifty minutes, this was all the two men did. Wait in line at as many rides they possibly could, and Gerard would listen and smile at how ecstatic Frank was to be there. All the people he came with the past few years he’s lived here have all shown no interest in “doing something completely childish,” but Frank was different. He didn’t care at how much attention he was attracting by constantly jumping up and down in place and talking so much so fast and skipping around the different gaming booths and just being  _ fun _. _

Gerard smiled at the memory. He went through his contacts and lingered over Frank’s for a moment before sighing and putting it up. Right now, if things had stayed the same, Frank would be in here with him and they would be talking about their music. As if just barely remembering what he wanted to do with his life, he quickly stood and dug through his locker. He hadn’t looked through Frank’s journals in about a week. Pulling them out, he took his seat again and just stared at them for a moment. Sighing, he opened one and scanned through the pages, finding some lyrics that would fit with his, but found no motivation to even attempt to put them together. Without Frank being excited with him while doing this, he found he couldn’t. Maybe he’d work on them with Mikey after work, because he was always going to include his brother in everything he did. Mikey was a killer bassist and he knew he’d never find anyone better, but if his brother was too weak to play, then he’d just have to wait until he were in remission. Glancing at his watch, he realized he was about to go over his normal break time. After putting everything up, he quickly sent a message to Lindsey explaining that he couldn’t make their date tonight because he was going to see Mikey, and then left the breakroom.

 

*

 

Frank stood on the beach, looking out as the sunset. It was something he’d found himself doing quite a lot lately. He’d go sightseeing the entire day, but, as soon as sunset came, he quickly made his way to the beach and just stared. Maybe he associated it with his hope, which he oddly found himself gaining more of as each day passed. He’d met many wonderful people while being here, his favorite being a dorky hotel clerk at the place he was staying by the name of Patrick and his friend Pete. Noticing the necklace Frank was wearing which has the Nirvana Smiley logo on it, Patrick instantly seemed like he didn’t hate his life so much anymore and began talking to Frank about how much Nirvana had a big following but was still underappreciated. He met Pete in a café near the hotel. Frank was there having a cup of coffee and when Patrick walked in, he instantly spotted Frank. After seeing Patrick, Pete came up to them after ordering and all three men got to talking. Although they asked Frank where he was from and why he chose this place as a destination, he managed to avoid answering them. Patrick and Pete noticed, but didn’t push it seeing as he didn’t know the two well enough to answer such questions.

He continued to stare at the water, yellow and orange with the reflection of the sun, and thought about how his mother was doing. He wondered if she’d tried to contact him. How her day went and how the drama in her soap opera was going. He wondered what she did today and what she had for dinner. He missed her terribly and his mind wondered to how she would react with the news of him only having so many months to live. He felt his heart squeeze and he struggled to breathe for a second before it went back to normal. Without his permission, his mind drifted to Gerard. He wondered how work was, how his day went, what  _ he _ ate for dinner and the most recent movies he’s watched. He wondered if Gerard wondered those things about him, too. Because of this thought, he felt tempted to turn his phone on and call him, but what would he say to him? Gerard was sure to ask questions, but he couldn’t answer any of them, so he pushed the thought away and just continued to stare blankly at the sky. He took a seat on the sand and laid back, watching as more stars came into view.

“I wish I had someone here with me to lay down with me,” he mumbled to himself, feeling his eyes water. He was alone in this, but he wouldn’t change that at all. He could never burden someone else with the weight of his cancer. He didn’t want the looks of pity or the constant reminder to stay positive from everyone who came up to him and said that they heard the bad news. It was something he couldn’t stand. He’d gotten enough of those whenever his father passed away. Nothing but people he didn’t know constantly coming up to him even  _ years _ after it happened and telling him they were sorry. Giving their condolences. He knew they meant it, and meant it well, but saying it to him didn’t make him feel better. It only made the people saying it feel better. He knew it was a selfish thought to have but he didn’t think he was wrong.

“Frank?” he heard someone near him call out. He didn’t make a move to sit up, but instead tilted his head in the direction the voice came from. Not too far away, he saw Patrick waving and smiling at him excitedly. He then believed that everyone needed a Patrick in their life. He was so happy all the time, always excited to have a conversation with a new person or someone he saw every day. He never ran out of things to talk about and he was super friendly and easy to talk to.

“Hey, Patrick. What’re you doing out here?” He asked when the other sat down next to his laying figure.

“I was about to ask you the same thing! I just come out here to think. I’d say you were doing the same thing,” he said. He was also very good at reading people and was correct with a lot of his assumptions.

“Yeah.” They stayed silent for a moment before Patrick laid down next to him, not even minding that their shoulders were touching, also staring at the now full night sky filled with stars. They were brighter than Frank had ever seen them and that’s one of the things he absolutely loved about Hawaii. The scenery was purely amazing.

“Hey, Frank?” Patrick asked.

“Yeah?”

“Are you going to live here or are you just on vacation?” The question kind of caught him off guard. He didn’t really know. He came over here first for a small vacation, but then he found himself deflate at the thought of leaving.

“I’m not entirely sure. Why?” he enquired. He felt Patrick shrug his shoulders.

“I came here for a vacation about three months ago,” he explained to Frank.

“Wow, really?” He watched as Patrick nodded. “Why?”

“Well, I came here as an escape. I was lost. To be honest, I think that’s why you’re here now. Right?”

“How do you know that?” Frank asked. Although he wasn’t surprised that Patrick figured it out, he was still interested in  _ how _ he did.

“Because whenever I first saw you, it was like looking in a mirror from my first day here, too. I know it really isn’t my place, but I highly doubt you and I will meet again after you finally do decide to go back. So if there’s anything you’d like to get off your chest, I’m here. Pete was that person for me, and it really helped.” Frank considered it for a moment and decided that maybe he should take a chance. Even though he knew Patrick was right and they really wouldn’t meet each other again after he left the island, he thought about how good it would feel to know that  _ someone _ knew Frank Iero as a whole. Not the Frank Iero who suddenly couldn’t share anything personal with them anymore. Someone who knew the most important thing about him at eighteen years old. He knew Patrick wouldn’t give him a pitiful look. Maybe a hug or a shoulder squeeze, but he’d still treat him the same and smile and joke with him as he always did. He didn’t know what it was about Patrick, but he felt like he could trust him with anything. Maybe it was because he didn’t know Patrick all that well. He felt like an Independent movie, and he was fine with that. As long as Michael Pitt played him. He felt like Michael Cera would play Patrick. He took a deep breath, ignoring the tightness in his throat and swallowing down the lump that grew there.

“I have cancer,” he nearly whispered. He felt Patrick tense for a moment before relaxing all the same.

“How long?” He asked Frank.

“Around nine months to a year,” he answered. He found that it wasn’t so hard, maybe because Patrick didn’t know Frank well enough to be all that sad about his upcoming death. Frank also realized that as soon as he found out he was going to die, someone was told they were pregnant. And when he dies, that baby would be born and the number of people in the world would just increase. He could only hope that that one baby will live out its life fully and do greater things than Frank. He hopes it will grow up to be loving to everyone around it, fall in love, have a family, make something of itself. It was weird, he realizes, to be growing a weird attachment to his “replacement.”

“I feel like I’m the first person you’ve told.” Frank hummed in agreement. He was calmer than he thought he’d be. He thought he’d be sobbing into Patrick’s shoulder, but maybe it really hasn’t sunk in yet. Maybe his mind hasn’t processed the fact that he really is going to die, but it  _ knows _ .

“Your secret is safe,” Patrick mumbled. Frank felt himself smile. He was grateful to him. He was glad he trusted him and he was glad Patrick understood. He focused on the stars above them and realized he probably wouldn’t be here for too long. He’d been looking at Dr. Toro’s business card an awful lot lately. He’d been thinking more about the experimental treatment the doctor was telling him about before he announced he didn’t want it. Maybe there was nothing about fighting for more time.

“Maybe there’s nothing wrong about fighting for more time, Patrick.” Patrick smiled over at him, his eyes seemed to be brighter than they were before.

“Yeah,” he agreed. Frank stared back at him before he realized what was about to happen. He was about to kiss Patrick. The other man seemed to sense it, too, because they leaned forward at the same time and pushed their lips together. Frank’s hand went up to Patrick’s cheek, stroking softly with his thumb while Patrick’s hand is on the back of his neck, bringing him closer. He knew, without a doubt, this kiss was not filled with pity.

Patrick is a good guy.

Pulling away from one another, they giggled. Patrick pulled Frank into a hug, who returned it eagerly. For the first time since he left, Gerard wasn’t on his mind.

“When are you going back?” He asked Frank.

“I’m probably going to start packing tonight. Did you want to come help me?” He asked. He wanted to spend more time with Patrick. After all, he was technically his best friend in Hawaii. He felt sad to leave him, but maybe he would come back and visit after his remission. His hope skyrocketed after his time here.

“Sure. Let’s go,” Patrick said as he stood up and then held his hand out to Frank, who took it, and helped him up, and two walked back to the hotel Frank was residing in hand in hand. The entire walk was spent in silence and Frank found it very pleasing that the only person on his mind was right next to him. He hadn’t known Patrick for very long, but found himself wishing he’d fallen for him rather than Gerard. He wished he could just tell Gerard about his condition, but he was  _ terrified _ at what he was going to say. They were too close to share that information, but also too close to keep that kind of thing from each other. He just up and left Gerard without any good reason and he would understand if Gerard  _ hated _ him, because he honestly hated himself for that, too.

“I’m sure going to miss you, Frank. Can we keep in contact?” Patrick asked as they entered his room. Frank smiled over at him and nodded his head.

“Of course. I’ll give you my e-mail before I leave,” he said. He would’ve given him his number, but who knew if he was going to keep his phone? He may just change his number and give it only to his mother, Dr. Toro and probably Patrick. The other man smiled in agreement and watched as Frank pulled out a few suitcases and opened the drawers by the bed.

“So exactly how soon are you leaving?” Frank shrugged his shoulders.

“Maybe take an evening flight,” he sighed. He looked over at Patrick and stared at him for a moment, not caring that he was making him blush and avoid eye contact. “I’m going to miss you, too, you know.” The  _ look _ Patrick gave him in return was something that caused Frank’s heart to swell and want to bust, because he was pretty sure that he used to look at Gerard like that. He made his way toward Patrick and took his hands in his, pulling him closely, and with no hesitation, Patrick clung to him. He held back his tears from falling because he knew Frank wouldn’t like that. After he left, that’s when he’d allow himself to cry. Until then, he was keeping a strict smile on his face.

“Patrick,” Frank mumbled against his shoulder, pulling the man’s body closer to his. Patrick nodded his head, silently agreeing. Frank, although mostly unexperienced in that aspect of his life, led them to the bed as he locked their lips together. As their tongues roamed each other’s mouth, looking for a way to somehow become closer, Frank let them fall to the bed. If Frank was going to be honest, he’d only ever slept with a woman, so he was going to have to muster up all the things he’d ever seen to get through this. He wanted this. He wanted Patrick. He was positive that if he’d met him before Gerard, he’d definitely could’ve pursued something with him, but that wasn’t the way it worked. Fate had a reason for this happening, so he’d go along with it. There was nothing he could truly do aside from seeing how it played out.

No words were spoken as Frank slid his hands under Patrick’s shirt, feeling the smoothness of his plump belly and pulling the piece of clothing away. Patrick averted his eyes, feeling self-conscious of his body. Frank seemed to notice this and brought his hand up the Patrick’s cheek, turning his head toward him.

“You’re beautiful, Patrick.” The man laying underneath him smiled, a soft hue of red rising to his cheeks. Patrick mustered up the courage to tug at Frank’s shirt, letting him know he was about to pull it off. Frank complied, letting him do as he pleased. He watched as Patrick’s gaze swept over his torso and he felt himself swell with pride, glad that he didn’t actually look sick. He leaned down and gave him a small peck on the lips as he fumbled with Patrick’s pants for a moment before getting them off. Doing the same to himself along with pulling his boxers off, he gave Patrick a look, silently saying that they could stop if he felt uncomfortable, but the man responded by pulling his own underwear off and giving Frank a soft smile. It was weird, Frank thought, because his first time was done with the lights off and he couldn’t exactly see his girlfriend at the time. They were both inexperienced so he wasn’t exactly all that worried, but he could  _ see _ Patrick seeing him and it felt extremely intimate. He honestly didn’t want it any other way. He wanted to make love to Patrick, he wanted the man to know that this was what he wanted. Snapping out of his thoughts, Frank positioned himself in between Patrick’s legs, leaning down to give him a passionate kiss, trying to somehow tell him that he could love him if there weren’t a chance he was going die. But he’s positive Patrick knew this.

Moving his lips away from his mouth, he trailed a line of kisses down his jawline and to his neck, sucking and nipping at his pale skin, surely leaving red marks that will be there for days. Patrick whimpered at the feeling Frank was emitting from his entire  _ body _ . He’d never wanted a person so badly in his life and, for a moment, Patrick seemed to forget that Frank was going to be leaving. That he was going to be flying back home to receive treatment for a disease that no one deserved, especially not someone as amazing as Frank. Especially someone so young, but the world was cruel. From in between his legs, Frank looked up at him, giving him a soft smile, which some part of him felt weird for doing so considering he was about to suck him off. Patrick leaned up on his elbows to watch Frank as he grasped his hard member and gave it a few small strokes, causing him to whimper softly and bit down on his lip. He saw the smile on Frank face widen before he lowered his head down, making complete eye contact with him as he took Patrick into his mouth as far as he could before swallowing down what he could. Patrick’s eyes seemed to roll back into his head as he gave a loud groan at the feeling of Frank’s hot mouth on him. He focused his eyes on Frank’s face. His eyes were slightly glistening with tears, his mouth stretched around him and a small line of saliva running down to his pubic hairs. Patrick concluded that his life couldn’t get any better at the moment, but was proved wrong when Frank started actually  _ sucking _ him and tonguing his slit, licking off any precum that had pooled there. He maintained eye contact the entire time and Patrick did the same until his arms started feeling wobbly and he let himself fall back onto the bed.

“Oh-Oh, God, Frank,” He moaned softly, slightly bucking his hips into Frank’s mouth. Frank reached up and put his fingers near Patrick’s mouth, and the other man opened his mouth, knowing what Frank wanted. He sucked Frank’s fingers, making sure they were nice and slick before Frank pulled them away and lowered his hand to Patrick’s entrance. He rubbed his finger around his hole before slowly pushing his finger inside of him. Patrick sucked in a breath of air through his teeth, but completely forgot about the slight stinging when Frank sped up the movement of his mouth. Frank curled his finger slightly inside of him as he pulled it out, causing Patrick to give another one of his small moans, clearly afraid of making too much noise. Pulling his mouth off of him, Frank sat back up and concentrated on what his other hand was currently doing. He slowly pushed in another finger, noticing how Patrick tensed up. Frank rubbed his thigh slightly, soothing him.

“Relax, Patrick. I’m not going to hurt you,” he said, “I’d never.” Patrick nodded his head and exhaled, calming himself down and letting his body relax. Frank slowly began pumping his fingers in and out of Patrick, causing said man to allow himself to moan louder, suddenly not caring how he looked, because Frank thought he was beautiful. The sound was going straight to Frank’s erection, the warmth of the feeling washing over his body. He added another finger, pleased to see that Patrick reacted well this time.

“Frank.. Oh, God, please,” he pleaded, “I want you.” Frank gave his finger a few more thrusts before pulling them out and spitting on said hand to slick up his member. He positioned himself at Patrick’s entrance and looked into his eyes. As Patrick nodded his head, Frank slowly moved his hips forward, slowly sliding into him. Unable to wait, Patrick wrapped his legs around Frank’s waist, pulling him closer without warning and causing Frank to slide in all the way.

“Fuck,” Frank said, gritting his teeth. He felt so amazing. Patrick silent moan gave away that he was feeling exactly as Frank was. After staying still for a moment, he slowly began to thrust into Patrick, taking more pleasure in the sounds he was causing Patrick to make rather than the feeling he was getting from being inside of him. Both men lost themselves in each other’s bodies and it was something to remember, Frank was positive of that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was that dose of Frank and Patrick? How do you think Gerard is going to keep dealing with his best friend gone when it seems like he’s realizing he loves him more and more?? Comment and let me know! They make me very happy! 
> 
> I’ll probably post another chapter on my birthday, which is July 7th, so look out for that!


	6. My Woman's Gone With the Wind

“Mikey, Gerard’s here,” Ray announced as he walked into the younger Way brother’s hospital room. Gerard came into the room throwing his arms up and sticking out one of his hips.

“Miss me, brother?” Mikey gave him an expressionless look, clearly not amused by Gerard’s dramatic entrance.

“I did until you did that,” he scoffed. Gerard huffed at his words and made his way to his brother’s bedside.

“Whatever. Anyways, sorry for getting here late. I got a bit held up at work,” the older sibling explained as he laid his head down on a small part of Mikey’s bed.

“That’s okay. But, what’s more important, are you sure you’re okay with missing your date night with Lindsey? Was she mad?” He asked, almost timidly. In fact, it was rather surprising to Gerard. His brother never let himself show many emotions, so he found it odd that his brother was worried about something like that.

“What? Of course not, Mikey! Lindsey is understanding, you know this. Don’t dwell on something like that, okay? I’d miss my date nights every week if it meant I could see you more. And who knows, maybe I’ll bring Lindsey here to visit,” Gerard explained, using his hands wildly for gestures. Fact was, Lindsey was upset. She pointed out that not only was his mind always somewhere else when they were together, but the fact that he hardly contacted her anymore unless it was to explain that he couldn’t make their date night and why. Gerard was getting frustrated with her behavior, because this was his  _ brother _ . Someone he’d shown the ropes of life so it was obvious that he would always choose Mikey over her, if she ever gave him some absurd ultimatum. But his mind wasn’t only filled with his sibling, it was also full of Frank. Wondering where he was and how he was doing, wondering if he was thinking about him as much as he was of him, and wondering if it was destroying him just as much.

“This place isn’t exactly in the magazine forum on  _ Amazing Places to Take Your Significant Other _ , you know. You don’t have to do that, anyway. I only want to spend my time with you,” Mikey explained, leaning back in his pillow. He felt sore and exhausted, but he’d done nothing all day so he wasn’t even sure why he was feeling this way. On some days, his  _ skin _ felt sore to the touch and he wanted nothing more than to soak up in a cool bath, but those were also the days he was supremely exhausted, so he just stayed put.

“Okay, Mikey. I’m all yours for the next few hours. What do you wanna do? I brought a few movies and stuff,” Gerard explained as he put his backpack on the bed and zipped it open. He allowed Mikey to look through it as he stared off into space.

“What are these?” His brother’s voice snapped him out of his nonexistent thoughts, causing him to turn his head toward him. He saw Mikey holding the journals Frank had given him.

“Oh. Those belong to my friend Frank. He gave them to me though.”

“Why?” Yes, Mikey was so curious about every single thing, you’d think he were just nosey.

“Well, he moved away and gave those to me as a goodbye gift,” Gerard said, trying to seem like reliving it all again wasn’t hurting him.

“Goodbye? You’re not going to keep talking?” Gerard sighed sadly. He never really told Mikey about Frank and he really didn’t want to, honestly. He was fine with Frank belonging in his mind until he showed his face to him again.  _ If _ he showed his face to him again.

“No. He just left one day and I haven’t been able to get ahold of him. Anyway, did you find a movie you liked? Something you haven’t seen in a while?” He asked, avoiding the subject of Frank completely. This didn’t go unnoticed by Mikey. He knew his brother well enough, but decided to leave it alone.

“Man on the Moon is a good one. How about that one?” Mikey asked. Gerard gave him a sad look, and he hated it.

“Oh, Mikey, I don’t know about that one, you know? Why not a comedy?” Gerard asked, nervous. Mikey puts the DVD back in Gerard’s bag and pulls out Pineapple Express.

“Better?” He asked, trying not to sound curt. He couldn’t blame Gerard for not wanting to watch that movie. It was sad. It was a bittersweet ending and he’d wished there had been a better outcome for Andy Koffman, but the world is cruel. Gerard’s eyes lit up at the sight of the comedy.

“Oh, man, I haven’t seen this since I went over to Frank’s a few months back. You know, he laughed at this one scene throughout the entire night. Like, he would randomly burst out into a fit of laughter because he remembered it,” Gerard chuckled miserably.

“Gerard?” Mikey asked. He was worried because he’d never heard Gerard’s laugh  _ ever _ come out like that.

“Yeah?” He asked as he got up and put the DVD in his laptop and sitting on the bed with Mikey, after he scooted over.

“Are you okay? Like, it seems like he meant  _ something _ to you.” Gerard sighed.

“He was my best friend here, honestly. Like, I love you, but he was honestly my best friend,” Gerard explained. “He was a great guy. Played guitar, had serious anger issues with the Titanic movie. He always got so excited over the simplest things. Like, I took him to the annual carnival they have here and you would’ve thought he’d seen a deity. Or the time I bought him some food he’d been craving, but couldn’t get because he walked everywhere, and the smile he gave me was worth the fifteen minute drive. Or the time we watched a couple of Pixar movies together and he  _ cried _ . I guess I just miss him,” he sighed again, running his hand through his unkempt hair.

“Have you tried getting in contact with him?” Gerard nodded. “And nothing?” Gerard shook his head.

“His phone is off or he blocked me. Or something. I don’t know, Mikey. You should’ve seen him that night he told me goodbye. He gave me those journals and made me promise to use whatever I could in there to help me get out of here. He made me promise that I would try and assured me that I would make it.” Mikey nodded, listening intently.

“What do you think happened?” Gerard shrugged.

“I don’t know. Whatever it was, though, it scared him. Bad.” Both men turned their attention back to Gerard’s laptop as he pressed play, and waited for it to start. Mikey turned over to look at Gerard and noticed that he was eyeing his phone from where he’d sat it on the bed earlier. He was waiting for  _ something _ from Frank. Mikey gave a sad look, but turned back to the movie rather than say anything, because he knew Gerard would open up when he wanted to.

_ “So what’s this about again?” Frank asked him as Gerard plopped himself down on his couch and pressed play. _

_ “Well, basically two stoners get mixed up in shit that doesn’t concern them, as always, and they have to find a way to make it out of the situation alive,” Gerard explains. _

_ “So basically every comedy movie made nowadays?” He asked. Gerard nodded. “It better be funny or I’m kicking you out of my door. Literally,” he huffed. _

_ “Calm your dick, it’s funny, okay?” Gerard defended. _

_ “I’ve never heard that expression before. How charming,” Frank laughed, earning a small slap on his arm. A few minutes into the movie, Frank was giggling at the comedy and Gerard was glad. He didn’t want Frank to be sulking the entire movie, because he was meant to be having fun. _

_ “Gerard, I’m hungry,” Frank whined halfway through the movie. Gerard raised his brow. _

_ “What do you want me to do about it? This is your place,” he stated, continuing to watch the movie. _

_ “Make me food.” Gerard laughed. _

_ “Are you deaf? I said this was your place,” he repeated. Frank put his hand to his ear, slightly cupping it. _

_ “What was that? I couldn’t hear you,” he retorted. Gerard rolled his eyes. Frank could be a smartass when he wanted and he loved that, if he was going to be honest. Nowadays, people were always so cautious about offending people which results in them burying their real sense of humor, but when Frank came into the picture, the first thing he’d told Gerard was that he looked like he had a face he could get along with. Literally. That’s what he said. “Hey, I’m Frank and I couldn’t help but notice that you have a face I could get along with.” Thinking back on it now, it was silliest thing anyone had ever said, obviously, but Gerard just went along with it with his own humor, like it was an everyday occurrence. Thus created their friendship. _

_ “Okay, fine. Do you even have anything to make some food?” Gerard asked, incredulously. Frank put his hand to his chest, pretending to be offended. _

_ “Okay, I will have you know that I have plenty of shit in my fridge and cabinets,” he defended. _

_ “Well, that’s all fine and dandy, Frank, but I was talking about food. I refuse to be a part of the male version of Two Girls One Cup.” Frank made a face. _

_ “You’re gross.” Gerard laughs. _

_ “Have you even see the video?” He asks Frank, who suddenly turns bright red. “Oh, my God! You have!” _

_ “Fine. Fine. Wanna hear something funny then?” He asks Gerard, who nods his head so excitedly that he was concerned it was going to fall off the man’s shoulders. _

_ “Okay. Well, back in high school. I was, like, what, a junior? Whatever. Anyways, I had just gotten back to attending because I was out sick for a few days, and a friend of mine, Julian, suddenly got on that topic. He managed to find the video and I decided to watch because, well, don’t laugh,” He pauses, “I always sort of thought that it would be filmed as classy as possible. Like, I thought it was going to be in black and white. Oh, man, was I wrong. It was color! I normally have a strong stomach, but I could only watch literally five seconds before turning away because I was afraid I was going to throw up.” They sit in silence for a moment, Gerard obviously struggling to not laugh. His face was red, his eyes were full of tears, and his shoulders were shaking. Finally, Frank sighed and waved his hand at him, giving him permission to laugh. Without another moment’s hesitation, Gerard threw his head back and laughed loudly, the sound echoing back at the two. _

_ “You-” Gerard giggles, trying to catch his breath, “You actually thought it was going to be  _ classy _? Like, seriously? Oh, God! Only you, Frank,” he continued on, wiping the tears off of his cheeks. Even though he were laughing at him, Frank was glad that he made Gerard laugh to the point of tears. It was a nice feeling, he thought, to make someone laugh so much that the smile doesn’t leave their face for the rest of the day. _

_ “Ah, shaddup,” he defended himself poorly and returning his attention back to the movie. This was when he saw it. Where they break the door down during the fight and the guy’s head falls in the sink so perfectly. Frank hadn’t laughed so hard in a long time. He made Gerard rewind it a few times and the man was happy to do so. After the movie had long ended and they decided that going out to eat at a fast food place would be easier than attempting to cook, Frank would still giggle often, causing Gerard to instantly smile, because he knew why. _

“Gerard?” Mikey’s voice tore through his thoughts.

“Yeah?” He asked, his focus turning to his brother.

“Your phone is ringing,” he said. Gerard quickly scrambled for it, hoping to see Frank’s caller ID, but visibly deflated at seeing Lindsey’s name. He sighed and stood up.

“I’ll be back. It’s Lindsey,” he explained as he stepped out of the room. He clicked on the answer button and held the phone to his ear.

“Hello?” He answered.

“ _ Is there any way we can spend  _ some _ time together tonight? _ ” The voice on the other side asked. He sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

“I’m spending some time with Mikey. I mean, if you’d like, you can come here. We’re watching movies on my laptop. Something to keep his spirits up, you know,” he said. There was a small silence before she spoke up again.

“ _ Gerard, I feel there’s a growing distance between us. Do I have anything to be worried about?” _ She asked with a slightly shaky voice. He knew it was more her trying to control her anger than sadness.

“What? No, of course not. Lindsey, you’re blowing things out of proportion. I just want to spend time with Mikey. He needs me right now,” he explained, trying to refrain from rolling his eyes. He didn’t know what was wrong with him. He loved Lindsey, he was sure of that, but now he was questioning it. Did he actually love her or did he love her because he was used to it? He never thought he’d ask himself this question when he admitted to her that he loved her four years ago. He always thought she’d shine the brightest to him in the world, but he barely thought of her now. He suddenly felt horrible, because then his answer was clear. He didn’t love her anymore. He was just used to being with her that he didn’t know anything else. She was his first girlfriend... well, relationship. He thought he’d always love her like there was no tomorrow, but it was clear that the feelings had disappeared without him knowing. He found himself wondering when he’d began to act differently. He sighed into the phone.

“Look, Lindsey. I’m not sure anymore. I think you and I need to sit down and talk about this properly,” he admitted. It was better to get it over with than to just prolong the inevitable.

“ _ All right. When you’re done with running away, I’ll be here. I don’t know what has you acting so differently, but I hope you know what you’re about to do _ .” And then she hung up. She knew what he was going to do, and yet she was a lot calmer than he originally thought she’d be. He pocketed his phone and walked back into Mikey’s room.

“Sorry about that,” he said, sitting back on the bed.

“Is everything okay, Gerard?” Mikey asked.

“Of course. Lindsey and I just may not stay together for much longer,” he opened up to his brother.

“Is it because of me?” Mikey tested. Gerard shook his head.

“No, Mikey. It’s because of me. I take responsibility for my feelings changing. Although I don’t know why, I accept it.” Mikey gave his brother a questioning look.

“Your feelings changed? Just like that?” He asked his older brother. He was shocked because he remember the day Gerard came home gushing about how amazing this new girl Lindsey he’d met at a bus stop was. He remembered when Gerard first brought her over and he’d never seen so much  _ love _ in his brother’s eyes when he looked at her. He watched as Gerard shrugged his shoulders.

“Apparently so. I don’t know when though,” he sighed, once again before pulling his phone out and making sure he hadn’t missed anything from Frank while it were in his pocket. Sure, he would have felt it because it was on vibrate, but sometimes he doesn’t feel it, so he wanted to make sure. This didn’t go undetected by Mikey.

“Why do you keep looking at your phone?” He asked. This seemed to surprise Gerard, because he looked up at him with an expression that told the younger man that he hadn’t realized he was doing that.

“Oh. I didn’t notice. Well, I keep checking to see if maybe Frank had gotten back to me,” he explained. Mikey lifted a brow.

“Gerard, when did you notice that there was a distance between you and Lindsey?” Gerard shrugged.

“Like, a couple of weeks ago, I think,” he answered. Mikey nodded.

“Okay. And how long has it been since Frank left?”

“It’s gonna be sixteen days in a few hours.” The accuracy in that answer rather than the one involving his girlfriend astonished him. He couldn’t even remember when he started not looking at Lindsey, and yet he knew the exact amount of days it’d been since his best friend Frank had left him.

“Why?” Gerard asked, after seeing Mikey’s face make one of revelation.

“Do you think that’s a coincidence?”

“What? Me and Lindsey and Frank leaving?” he asked. Then it clicked what Mikey was insinuating. “Are you saying that Frank leaving caused me to lose my feelings for Lindsey? How does that even work?” Mikey sighed. His brother was an idiot.

“Because it suggests that you may like him  _ a lot _ more than you’re letting yourself think. Jeez, and they say you’re the smarter one,” he mumbled the last bit to himself.

“Are you saying that I  _ love _ Frank?” Gerard asked Mikey, who gave him a ‘duh’ look. Then it clicks. That’s why he was so devastated that Frank was leaving him without almost a word. That’s why he smiled so much when he was with him whether they were working on music or watching movies or talking or whatever. That’s why he found his mind wondering to see if Frank would like these stupid little gift shop figurines that he saw while out with Lindsey. That’s why he felt he would do  _ anything _ to make Frank smile his pretty smile.  _ Anything _ to make him come back to Gerard.

“Oh, fuck,” he says more to himself.

“And there it is,” Mikey smiles self-righteously.

  
  


Frank woke up with Patrick’s arm wrap draped over his waist and his head on his chest. He smiled to himself, happy with where he was. He laid there thinking about nothing and also thinking about things that he should’ve done that one time when he was thirteen and that boy had pushed him down on the playground before Patrick began stirring awake. He looked up at Frank almost hesitantly, but smiled when he saw Frank smiling.

“Morning,” Patrick says.

“Morning,” Frank replies, both not minding the morning breath of one another. That’s another intimate thing with Patrick he doesn’t mind, he thinks to himself.

“What’s the time?” Frank looks at the clock next to his head on the bedside table.

“Around noon,” he answers. Patrick hums and then they’re silent for a while, before Frank speaks up again. “Hey, Patrick?” He asks.

“Yeah?”

“I wish you were the one I’d fallen in love with,” he admits. It’ll be a long while before he sees Patrick again so he’d rather be truthful to his face rather than through an e-mail.

“Who’s the person you’re in love with now?” Patrick asks. Frank gives a soft sigh, pulling Patrick closer to him before opening his mouth.

“I used to work with him. He was my best friend in that city, the one I left, and I’ve loved him for quite a while. He has a long-time girlfriend and I’ve never really expressed my feelings for him because it would be wrong of me and unfair to both him and his girlfriend if I were to do that.” Patrick nods along, listening carefully to the words leaving the man’s mouth.

“You didn’t tell him about your condition?” He asks.

“No. I couldn’t, you know? Like, he and I were going to start a band and play together and then this happened and yeah. So I gave him my journal full of lyrics and rhythms and told him to use it for his success, then I said goodbye and left the city. In fact, I wasn’t even planning on telling him that I was leaving in general. I was just going to leave,” he explained.

“Wow, really?”

“Yeah, but he overheard me talking to another co-worker and he blew up. He was so angry and I don’t blame him in the least. I would have reacted the same way,” he concedes.

“Are you planning on facing him when you get back?” Patrick examines.

“Probably not. It would be hard. Not only for me, but for him. There’s a chance this experimental treatment won’t work and I won’t live over a year, not to be pessimistic, but it’s a fact, and I don’t want to hurt him with that knowledge. We’re too close, but that’s the problem with all of this. Too close to share this, yet too close to hide it.”

“But he’s still your best friend, Frank. I don’t know the guy so I can’t predict how he’d react, but I think it’d be better for him if he knew that you only left because you didn’t have a choice.  _ If _ the treatment doesn’t work. Do you  _ want _ him to go around for the rest of however long thinking that you abandoned him?” Patrick asked.

“Well, no, but,” he sighs, “I never looked at it that way. Look, I’ll probably tell him, but I’d rather do it on my own time.”

“I’m not trying to pressure you or anything, I just really want you to think about something like that in the long run. I’d hate to see you unhappy, Frank,” Patrick explains, hoping he hadn’t angered Frank. He’s reassured when he feels Frank’s lips press against the top of his head.

“Thank you, Patrick. Well, I better get finished packing,” he says, making a move to get up but not fully doing so until Patrick moves. He pulls his boxers on and then stretches, groaning loudly in happiness at the feeling of his muscles pulling. He’s interrupted from his moment when he hears a yelp from Patrick. He turns and sees him holding his lower back, his face twisted up in pain.

“Oh. Sorry. Let me get you some pain killers. Just lay down, okay?” Frank smiles at him. Patrick nods and happily accepts the pills when Frank hands them to him. The dull ache is still there when it kicks in but not as strong as before.

“I’m going to be honest, Frank, I’ve never been so happy to be in pain before,” he laughs. Frank giggles and nods his head.

“Go ahead and stay laying. I got this,” he assures him.

“Hey, Frank?” Patrick asks after a few minutes filling with nothing but the sound of Frank clearing out the drawers and closet.

“Yeah?” Frank looks at him after zipping up one of his suitcases.

“I think you should call that guy. Let him know that you’re okay, at least. If you two were best friends, then it’s safe to say that he’s probably worried out of his mind about you.” Frank nods, not really planning on doing it but he’ll humor Patrick for the time being.

“I will,” He says, lying.

“You have to promise me.”

“What, why?” Frank whines.

“Because I know you were lying and that’s rude to someone you just slept with,” Patrick explains, holding a smile back. Frank gives a little laugh.

“All right. Fine, I promise I’ll call him.”

“Like, right now?” Patrick asks.

“No. No way in hell,” because Frank is terrified, and he’s not about to admit that to Patrick, who probably already knows.

“Please?” he asks, giving him such a pleading look that it’d be like killing a small puppy if he were to say no. Sighing in defeat, he grabs his phone from the bedside table and turns in on for the first time in a few weeks. He watches as it powers on and he’s honestly never felt so terrified. What was he was supposed to say? ‘Hey, Gerard, I just wanted you to know that I’m doing pretty chill. All right, later,’ and then hang up? No, Gerard will want to know where he’s at, if he’s coming back, or, worse, if he’d come back. Which, at this point, he probably would if he asked him. And knowing how close they are, he’s absolutely positive that Gerard would ask him something along those lines. He just couldn’t deal with it if he did. He stares at his phone for longer than necessary before scrolling through his contracts and landing on Gerard’s. His heart starts beating faster and he suddenly wants to crawl under a rock and rot there than press call. He’d rather listen to a Taylor Swift playlist on repeat than press that button. He’d rather rip his own heart out and throw it against the pavement, because that would honestly be better than hearing Gerard’s voice. Because he loves him.

He pulls on some dirty clothes, because he can’t be too bothered with trying to look good right now, and steps just outside the door. A part of him wants to be upset with Patrick for  _ making _ him do this, but he understands that he only did it because Frank couldn’t do it himself. He looks down at Gerard’s contact and takes a deep breath before hitting the call button. It rings almost three times before someone answers.

“ _ Frank? _ ” Gerard asks frantically. Frank’s breathe catches in his throat, preventing him from speaking. His voice sounds so worried and tired.

“ _ Frank? Are you there? Please say something, _ ” Gerard whispers. His voice has become so low that Frank’s heart breaks a little more.

“Ger-Gerard, I was just calling to let you know that I was okay,” I say. The sentence sounds like he had more to add, but couldn’t find anything else to say.

“ _ You’re joking, right? No, I want to know what you’ve been doing, where you’ve gone, and why you haven’t bothered to contact me until now! _ ” He was angry and Frank couldn’t blame him. It was the last thing he wanted, but he knew he deserved it.

“Gerard, I can’t tell you any of that aside from the last one. I haven’t contacted you because I was afraid. I knew you were going to be mad, so I was being a coward and avoiding it,” he answered. Gerard sighs from the other side of the line.

“ _ Are you coming back? _ ” He asks.

“Maybe. I’m not entirely sure. But if I do, I promise that I’ll tell you everything, okay?” He lied. It wasn’t that he  _ wasn’t  _ going back. He just wasn’t entirely sure if he was going to see Gerard and tell him. Gerard hums on the other side.

“ _ Okay. Can I call you at least once a day? You know how my mind works. If I don’t hear from you for more than one day then I’ll think you’ve been kidnapped and sold into underground sex trafficking _ .” This causes Frank to laugh because Gerard’s mind wanders to movie based situations.

“Yeah. Sure. Just don’t worry anymore,” he mumbles.

“ _ Frank, you haven’t told me anything that’s been going on. It’s only natural that I’d be worried. Just, _ ” he sighs, “ _ be safe, okay? I just-I just miss you. _ ” His voice sounded nearly broken and it pained Frank.

“I miss you, too, Gerard. You’ll always be my best friend. So, before I go, give me an update on your life. What’s been going on?” He asked as he leaned against the wall. He was glad Patrick had made him call because now he doesn’t have to go on wondering what Gerard’s been up to and Gerard wouldn’t have to worry about Frank being okay.

“ _ Well, I just got home. I was visiting my brother in the hospital. I skipped my date night to go see him and watch movies. Um, work has been okay, but Brian is so close to firing me because I’ve been a bit of a wreck since you’ve left. Uh, that’s about it, _ ” Gerard explained. Frank furrowed his brows.

“Mikey’s in the hospital? What happened?” He asked. Sure he also wanted to know more about why Gerard was on the verge of unemployment, but Frank cared about Mikey. Even if he didn’t know him personally, he was the root of Gerard’s happiness and, as a result, Frank cares  _ a lot _ about him.

“ _ He was diagnosed with breast cancer earlier this month. He’s strong though. He’s going to beat it. You should see how much he smiles everyday despite his situation. He truly is the strongest person I know _ ,” he elucidated. Frank smiled at Gerard’s admiration for his brother and found himself now more determined to see the treatment through.

“It’s good that he’s being positive about it. I’m glad. The entire situation sucks, but there will always be something to smile about.” At that point, Frank’s thoughts were drifting to different scenarios where things could go wrong and the outcomes they would produce, but he also found that his silver lining would be having Gerard in his life, by his side. There was nothing he wanted more than that, but he had to think about it carefully.

What if the treatment didn’t work and he had to leave Gerard behind? Or worse, what if it does but it only buys him a  _ little _ more time? Could he really stand to see the pain in Gerard’s eyes, if he did care to that extent? Moreover, what about his feelings for Gerard? What about Gerard’s feelings for Lindsey? There were so many questions he had to ask himself and think carefully about.

“ _ Frank? Are you okay? _ ” Gerard asked worriedly, snapping him out of his thoughts.

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m okay. Listen, I’ve gotta go, okay? I’ll talk to you tomorrow, if you’d like,” Frank said, hurriedly. He didn’t want to hear his voice anymore. He just wanted to crawl into bed with Patrick and lay there until he possibly couldn’t anymore.

“ _ Of course I want to. Be safe, Frank. Bye. _ ” Frank hummed an ‘okay’ and then hung up. He took a deep breath before walking back into the room. Patrick instantly perked up at the sight of Frank, causing him to smile.

“Hey, how did it go?” Patrick asked. He was laying on his stomach but looked up at him from the side. Frank sat next to his body at the edge of the bed and put his hand on Patrick’s back.

“It went all right. It was good to hear his voice again and everything, but it made me miss him more,” he answered. Patrick gave him a thoughtful look before smiling.

“Well, it’s a good thing you’re going back, isn’t it?” Frank smiled at his words, nodding.

“Scoot over, would you?” He did as Frank so charmingly demanded and slid over to the other side. He watched as Frank climbed back into the bed and curled up into his side. “You’re comfortable, Patrick.”

Patrick giggled, “Oh, yeah?” Frank nodded, clinging to him. The sight of Frank’s face at ease, made Patrick blush and lightly stroke Frank’s cheek with his fingers, barely grazing his skin. At the movement, Frank opened his eyes and looked up at him. They stared at one another before kissing heatedly.

Patrick was his way out, but Frank didn’t want him to be. Frank wanted him to be a lifelong friend. Someone who knew everything about him and still stood by his side. Patrick had seen just about every side he had, including the one he’d specially saved for Gerard, because he owed him that much at the least. He came to Frank’s rescue when it was apparent he needed it. He loved Patrick dearly for it, but not quite as much as he still loved Gerard, and it wouldn’t grow any more than that. Gerard would probably always be his number one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I was a tiny bit late, but here's the promised chapter! Comment and let me know how y'all are liking it <3


	7. And I Don't Know Where I'm Going

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A bit of a longer chapter! Hope y'all enjoy and let know how it's going! <3

Gerard sat on his bed staring at his phone. Frank had just called him, and yet it didn’t feel like it. He wanted to see the man. He wanted to touch him, make sure he was really there. He tossed his phone to the other side of his bed and laid down, covering his face with the pillow next to him. It was saved for whenever Lindsey stayed the night, but she hadn’t been over in a couple of months. They’d barely even kissed one another in the past month. The feeling just wasn’t there, Gerard realized, for the both of them. He took the pillow off of his face and glanced at his phone again before turning his back on it and closing his eyes. Sleep, he thought, would be best for now.

He awoke much earlier than he needed to be. In fact, he didn’t have to be at work until five in the afternoon that day. It was now about to be seven in the morning. On days where he worked the night shift, such as today, he tried to stay in bed as long as he possibly could, but that wouldn’t be the case. He decided he would go spend more time with Mikey, and quickly got out of bed to take a shower. He was sweaty from the dream he had. He didn’t want to admit it to himself, but it was a rather erotic dream involving Frank.

He couldn’t remember much of what he saw, but he remembered everything he felt, and his body felt as if it were in absolute bliss. Concerning his realization of his feelings for Frank, he decided not to think about it. He didn’t know if Bob was right and that the younger man felt the same way, so he couldn’t exactly come out and say it. There was also Lindsey. Every time he thought about her, his stomach twisted up in nerves because he was going to be saying goodbye to one of the most amazing woman he’s ever known, next to his mother of course, and letting her go. She was all he knew, but what his heart was telling him was that there more for him to learn.

He dressed in his normal, everyday clothes, but packed an extra bag with his work clothes. He wanted to spend all day with Mikey, he was just hoping that is brother was having a good day with no pain. He slowly walked through the city, the street littered with cars bumper to bumper and pedestrians hastily trying the get to work on time. He dodged the multiple people around him who were in too much of a hurry to excuse themselves. He always hated that. So much to the point where he thought about reenacting the  _ Bittersweet Symphony _ music video (by the Verve) just to spite everyone, but thought against it because he could never do that to other people. It was every morning when he thought about moving into the country side. All he wanted was fresh air and a lot of clear space with nothing but trees for miles all around him, but he wasn’t sure if he could make such a transition.

Frank did it, he thought. Frank came from a very small town, and from how the younger man looked anxious from all the traffic and how excited he got when he went to his very first carnival, Gerard was afraid that his city life would make it seem boring. He sighed, scolding himself, because he was thinking about Frank again.

When he was half way to the hospital, he began to regret not driving because of the morning sun beating down so harshly on him, but he’d always had this irrational fear. There were homeless people in this city and he didn’t want to seem so privileged, part of him wanted them to know that he could take it just like they could. It was stupid, he knew this, but it was always something that festered deep in his mind, coming out during moments like this. He took in his surroundings, taking in a deep breath of the slightly smoggy air and smiling softly to himself as he glanced at the park residing next to a small church. He chuckled to himself as he watched the little kids running around the swing set and playing around on the jungle gym before feeling his heart clench in pain. He’d always imagined he and Lindsey having that type of life together, but with his feelings for Frank coming to his attention, his heart filled up with warmth at the image of he and Frank playing around on that jungle gym together as a couple. Part of him knew that it might never happen, but it didn’t hurt to imagine it for now.

His relationship with Lindsey had always been about how they did things together. If they went out to dinner, it was about how well they behaved. If they went out for a walk, it was about how great their posture was while walking. It was as if they were a high class couple, as if everything they did was constantly being monitored. With Frank, he compared, he could be  _ himself _ . He could laugh loudly, walk around with him without a care in the world. They didn’t have to go anywhere. They could just stay in Frank’s apartment the whole day doing nothing but watching movies and attempting to make each other food, which normally ends in ordering out or microwave dinner plates. Gerard smiles to himself, happy that Frank had called him and everything was as fine as it could be. Maybe he’ll see Frank soon, too. Maybe his life would return to how it used to be, other than his relationship with Lindsey.

He walked into the hospital and made his way through the hallways until he came to his brother’s assigned room. He knocked before opening the door and stepping inside. He was asleep, Gerard noticed as he came closer. He pulled the seat next to his bedside closer and sat. He looked around the room, wondering what to do, trying not to think about pulling his phone out calling Frank. What if he was busy? What if he didn’t want to talk to him? Or, worse, what if he was with  _ someone else _ ? Gerard shook the thoughts from his head and decided to turn off his phone for the better. He leaned back in his seat and propped his feet up on Mikey’s bed, sighing softly to himself. He didn’t exactly know how long he sat there, but he decided that it didn’t really matter. A few moments later, Mikey began to shiver in his sleep, causing Gerard to quickly come to his aid. He made his way over to the closet settled behind the entrance to the room and pulled out a thick blanket. Placing it over his brother and tucking him in, he smiled down sweetly.

He was proud of his brother for being so strong. He was proud of him for facing his illness with a positive attitude and not letting it get him down. He was proud of him for not running away from the opportunity to get better. Suddenly, the door opened and their favorite doctor walked in. Gerard stood up straighter and gave the man a smile.

“Hey, Ray,” he said, quieting his voice for the sake of his brother’s rest. Ray smiled back, giving the man a hug in response once he’d reached him.

“You’re here pretty early. Trouble sleeping?” He asked Gerard.

“Actually, no. I slept pretty well.” Ray nodded thoughtfully as he checked Mikey’s IV and vitals.

“Hey, good news. The patient I was telling you about a few weeks ago called me this morning and mentioned that he’d be coming back to give the experiment a try,” Ray informed him as a huge smile found its way onto his face.

“That’s good, man. Now you can sleep and so can that kid. Speaking of good news, Frank called me last night, and told me he was okay. He was thinking about coming back,” Gerard said excitedly. Ray gave him a subtle tight smile.

“Oh? Did he mention why he left?” Ray asked, trying not to give anything away as he looked over Mikey, noting that his face looked paler than usual today. He heard Gerard give a small sigh, triggering Ray to look up at him.

“No. He said that the only thing he could tell me was that he was okay. He did mention that if he came back, he’d tell me everything.” Ray smiled at how much his normally calm friend was beaming. When talking about his girlfriend, he’d never been  _ this _ excited or interested. It was like a breath of fresh air for him, and he was thankful to Frank for two things: for accepting the treatment and for helping his friend see that life wasn’t only just filled with mundane things.

“That’s good, Gerard. I’m happy for you,” Ray said softly, and he meant it. He really did. Gerard deserved happiness.  _ Everyone _ did, he noted silently.

“Also, I’ve decided to break up with Lindsey. Mikey helped open my eyes, and-well, I guess- you, too. I’m in love with Frank. I want to be with him. I don’t know if he feels the same way, but maybe he will within time whenever he comes back.” Gerard looked too hopeful. Thanks to his doctor/patient confidentiality agreement, he didn’t have to tell Gerard of his condition. He wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or not. Frank might die, he argued, but he also has the ability to make his best friend happy. He felt his head begin to throb and thought best not to think about it anymore for now.

“That’s good, man. I’m really glad about how happy you are,” he smiled. Before Gerard could respond, Mikey began to groan, shooting up into a sitting position and barely having time to warn the guys before he vomited all over his lap. It didn’t take long until the tears spilled from his eyes and sobs tore from his throat. Gerard swiftly gathered his brother into his arms and held him, not caring if he had puke on him. Mikey was there during a terrible time in his life and did the same for him. He’d return the favor any day of the week. He loved Mikey and would gladly take his place if the opportunity was given, but he pushed the thoughts away. He wouldn’t be able to do that and all he were capable of now was holding his brother during times like this.

“It’s okay, Mikey. No one is mad, and don’t be angry with yourself. Let’s get you a shower, yeah? You’ll feel better,” Gerard soothed. His brother nodded, making no verbal agreement. Gerard moved away and helped the skinnier man stand to his feet with little trouble. Mikey had lost some weight since he began his treatment, making him even skinnier than he used to be. Borderline deathly-looking.

“Can you walk?” He asked. When Mikey gave no answer, he picked his brother up bridal-style and carried him toward the bathroom. Before closing the door, he saw Ray pulling the sheets and blankets off of the bed from the corner of his eye. He was thankful because he knew Mikey would probably cry at the sight of his own sick.

“Talk to me, Mikey. What’s on your mind?” Gerard asked as he slipped his hospital gown down. Mikey shrugged, sighing.

“I feel so helpless, Gerard. I’m so  _ weak _ and  _ sick _ and…and why do you even come here?” He asked so softly that Gerard may not have heard it if it wasn’t for the suffocating silence of the closed off restroom.

“Mikey, you’re not only my brother, but my best friend. I wouldn’t leave your side just because you’re sick. You’ll get better soon and you won’t feel this way anymore,” Gerard said, holding tears back as he began to run the water. He held his hand under the water as he adjusted the temperature with his other.

“What if I don’t get better?” Mikey said loud enough for him to hear over the loud sound of water pouring out of the faucet. Gerard whipped himself around so fast he felt dizzy.

“Don’t you  _ ever _ say  _ anything _ like that again, do you understand me? The moment you lose your positivity is the moment you actually die, never mind a pulse.” Mikey stared at him for a moment, eyes full of tears, before promptly nodding his head.

“I’m sorry, Gerard,” he choked out. “I’m just  _ so _ scared! I’m so weak and I don’t want to be here in the hospital anymore,” he sobbed, clinging to his brother. Gerard held back his tears, swallowing the lump in his throat. He needed to be strong for his brother. He needed to be his rock.

“We’ll get you better, Mikey. I’m by your side every step of the way, I promise you,” he whispered almost harshly into his younger brother’s ear. Never in his life did Gerard think he would have to hold his frail sick brother as he cried  _ naked _ before bathing him. Never in his life did he ever wish for this to happen and he would kill someone with no hesitation if it meant he could switch places with his brother. He’d rather him be in pain than his younger brother.

He picked up his brother and sat him in the tub, letting him soak for a moment.

“Are you comfortable?” He asked Mikey.

“Yeah. Wait for me outside, Gee?” He nodded and stood, making his way outside to redo his bed. Ray stood there jotting more things down on his clipboard, but ceased when he saw Gerard.

“Is he okay?” He asked.

“He will be.” They nodded at one another, just staring.

“So about that Frank guy,” Ray paused, Frank’s name catching Gerard’s attention. “What are you going to do if you see him again? Just straight out tell him you love him?” He asked, tucking his clipboard under his arm.

“Well, no. Probably not. I still need to break up with Lindsey and see if he’ll drop any hints that he’s into men or maybe just me. I need to take my time with Frank,” he explained, setting the new sheets onto Mikey’s bed. Ray couldn’t help the flinch he did when Gerard mentioned taking his time. If he was right, then Frank was gay like there was no tomorrow, but time was another thing. For now, he’d try to make Frank run into Gerard during his appointment here next week, even though he was aware he needed to stay out of whatever it was that Frank and Gerard were.

Ray’s mind drifted to the past, whenever Gerard had first introduced him to his soon to be ex-girlfriend. He remembered the gleam in his eyes as he said her name, and he remembered thinking that it’d always stay there, but then it suddenly began changing over the years. Eventually the gleam went away, and then the smile, and then the atmosphere around them that had once screamed  _ love _ had disappeared as well. But as soon as Gerard said Frank’s name, that gleam return,  _ tenfold _ even, and he was reassured that his best friend wouldn’t go back to how he was back during their time in the academy.

“All right, Gerard, while Mikey’s getting ready, I’m gonna head out to do my rounds. I’ll be back to set Mikey up with another round of chemo,” Ray explained, ignoring when Gerard flinched as he mentioned Mikey having to go through another round. He hated it almost as much as Gerard did, but it was his job to make sure his friend goes into remission, so he couldn’t be as soft as he normally was. He needed to be stern with the Way brothers.

“But he’s already woken up sick, Ray. Is today really a good day for that?” He asks the doctor wearily.

“Gerard, I’ve told you many times, he needs to take his round at the same time ever other day. I know it’s hard to see him like this, but this will help him get better,” Ray assured him. Gerard nodded in response, giving him a half-hearted smile as he finished fixing Mikey’s bed. “I’ll be back in an hour or so.” Then he left after waving to Gerard.

Gerard knew he shouldn’t be upset with Ray for putting his brother through this, but he was so protective of his younger sibling that he couldn’t help but hope that Ray tripped over his shoelace at any given moment. Not while he was walking down stairs, of course. He sighed, holding his face over his hand, and once again tempted to call Frank so his best friend could take his mind off of it, but he decided to wait until he was alone so he could give Frank all of his attention.

“Mikey, you ready to come out?” Gerard asked his brother through the door. After hearing a small ‘come in’, he stepped through the bathroom door and helped his brother up.

“You’re getting another round today. Want me to sit by you?” He asked his younger brother. His first time, Mikey held his hand so tight and wouldn’t let go, but the other times, Mikey insisted that he leave and didn’t move from his spot until he did as his sibling said.

“No. You know I hate you seeing me like that,” he mumbled as Gerard dressed him. Gerard knew better than to let his eyes roam to take in how weak his brother looked because Mikey was right about all of his accusations: Mikey didn’t want Gerard to see him like that, and Gerard didn’t want to see Mikey like that. After dressing him, Gerard walked him back to his bed to sit down and then kneeled to put his slippers on his feet. Mikey shivers during his rounds and finds himself bundled up in blankets until he looked like a ball of nothing.

“Okay, I’ll head over to the record store and pick up some comics for you to read while you’re here. Sound good?” Gerard asks as he straightens himself up. Mikey nods and mumbles a small ‘okay,’ before Gerard takes his leave. He hated seeing his brother so sad and defeated. Most days, Mikey kept a smile on his face and kept his chin up, but there were always going to be days where he was dragged on the ground.

*

Frank walked into the hospital and signed in, waiting to be called by his oncologist. He had only gotten to the city a half an hour ago, but didn’t want to lose the burst of courage he suddenly had and decided to see Dr. Toro while he had the chance. He sat and waited what felt like forever until he heard his name called and he was being led by a nurse in blue and white scrubs to his doctor’s office.

“Thank you,” he politely told the nurse as she was leaving, closing the door behind her.

“It’s such a relief to see you back here for treatment, Frank. I was worried sick,” Dr. Toro laughed. Frank gave him a small smile, shyly walking over to the chair on the other side of Ray and taking a seat.

“Sorry. I just needed to get away for a while. Three weeks was enough time,” Frank answered honestly. He smiled at the thought of Patrick and felt his heart clench at the emptiness he’d began feeling as soon as the two men had parted ways at the airport. Frank promised Patrick that he would call him as soon as he was done here, because the other man wanted constant updates on his condition and although that had felt weird, he liked that he was allowing someone to care for him.

“Oh, really?” Ray asked. “Where did you end up going?” He asked Frank. He noticed the look in the younger man’s eyes. It was a feeling of sadness with a hint of longing, but also happiness.

“I went to Hawaii. It was extremely beautiful and I met a couple of wonderful people there who helped me come to this decision. The one to come back here and get the treatment. So what do I have to do?” Frank asked. Ray pulled out a few forms.

“First, I’m going to explain that this  _ is _ an experimental treatment and there are not any guarantees that your body will take any effect. If it does not work, then the only alternative is to undergo regular chemotherapy and with how it has progressed, there is a possibility that it, too, will have no effect. One week every month, for the treatment, you will be admitted into the hospital and give the medication, and we will do a check-up scan to see how everything is going. Next, I’m going to ask you if you understand what I’ve just said?” Ray explained as professionally as possible. Frank nodded his head, already at ease with his fate being more unknown that a majority of everyone around him.

“Yes, I understand,” he said confidently. He didn’t feel scared all that much anymore, which surprised him, because he was always the nervous in the class. Ray gave him a reassuring smile.

“And, lastly, I’m going to give you these forms to go through and sign once you’ve read them and are sure you understand them. Please, take a seat in the waiting room as you read these. If you have any questions, the nurses at the desk can help you and once you’re done, you can also give those to them. They will then schedule your first treatment appointment and you’ll be free to go home.” Frank nodded at his words and stood. After thanking his doctor, he returned to the waiting room with the forms and began to read. He felt himself starting to feel sleepy toward the end of his reading and had to take a walk around to stretch. He folded the forms and put them in this back pocket as he headed toward the entrance to get a breather. He was out there for not even five minutes before he heard a familiar voice call his name.

“Frank?” It was Gerard, he recognized, freezing on the spot. Once Gerard came closer, carrying a bag he recognized was from the record store just up the road. “What are you doing here? When did you get back? We were on the phone just last night.”

Frank cleared his throat, hoping he sounded convincing, “Yeah, no, I just got back. When you told me that Mikey was in the hospital, I came here to look for you. This was just the closest one to the airport,” he lied. Gerard gave him a once over before looking him in eye with his head tilted slightly.

“You look…  _ pale _ ? And a little skinnier. What’s going on?” Gerard asked him with little hesitance as he walked closer and closer to him before finally stopping in front of him. Frank shrugged.

“Just a little stress. I’m getting better. Did you just get here?” He asked Gerard.

“No, I’ve been here since, I think, a quarter past seven. Mikey has another round today, so I left to get him some comics to read while he’s in there,” he explains. Without needing any explanation, the two walk back inside with one another with Gerard leading them. “Do you wanna meet Mikey?” He asked.

Frank smiled, “Sure!”

“So, um, did you come back just because Mikey was in the hospital or…?” Gerard trailed off, trying to keep his eyes off of the shorter male next to him and focus on the stretch of the hallway in front of him.

“Oh, no. Uh, I was already packing my things with Patrick when I got your call,” Frank explained. At his own mention of the other man, he found himself blushing which didn’t go unnoticed by Gerard.

“Patrick?” Gerard asked, feeling his heart speed up and his mind race about Frank having a thing for another guy.

“Yeah. I met him while I was away and he and I became really good friends. I think you’d like him. He’s… he’s pretty amazing,” Frank rambled, his voice going quieter at all his praise toward the other man. Gerard bit the inside of his cheek before forcing a smile at him.

“That’s great, Frank. So where did you go anyways?” He asked as they came to a stop in front of a closed door.

“I went to Hawaii,” Frank answered just as Gerard opened the door. Frank looked inside and saw Dr. Toro in the room with another man, who he guessed was Mikey. Ray gave him a sort of shocked look and Frank put his finger up to his mouth as Gerard walked in and gave his brother a hug. He sighed a breath of relief when Ray nodded.

“Mikey, this is Frank. Frank, this is my brother, Mikey,” Gerard introduced the two. Frank stepped forward and gave Mikey a smile and a short hug.

“Hey, it’s nice to finally meet you, man! Gerard’s told me a lot about you,” Frank greeted. The other man gave him a once over silently before finally nodding and returning the smile. This seemed to shock the other two males as Mikey never really smiled at people he just met or in public.

“Yeah, same here, Frank. Gerard never shuts up about you.” This made Frank laugh and turn back to look at Gerard, whose face was bright red and eyes glaring daggers at his own brother.

“Fuck off, Mikey. Here’s your comics,” Gerard huffs as he tosses the bag at his brother. Mikey catches the bag and sticks his tongue out at his brother. Frank and Ray laugh before Ray clears his throat.

“All right, Mikey. Ready to go?” He asks. Mikey nods and turns back to look at Gerard and Frank.

“Don’t go running off on Gerard again, Frank. He was shitting bricks the whole time you were gone,” Mikey laughs and Frank’s smile grows wider.

“Ray, take Mikey away for the love of God,” Gerard groans. Frank feels confused for a moment when Gerard calls the doctor by his first time, but it disappears and is replaced with fear when Ray brings up how Mikey hasn’t changed from their days at the academy before wheeling the man out in a wheelchair.

“You’re all friends?” Frank asks Gerard as he looks around the room. He realizes that he will soon be staying in a similar kind of room once he starts his treatment. Gerard hums and he turns back to look at him.

“Yeah. Ray and I have been friends since we were about seven and Mikey, well, his whole life,” Gerard explains as he watches Frank looking around with a certain look on his face that he can’t quite place.

“That’s nice. You know, having friends for such a long time that not even careers can change that.” Gerard nods.

“So where are you staying?” Gerard asks, and Frank whips his head back to look at him in shock.

“Oh, shit. I broke off my lease,” Frank says as he put his hand over his face and sighs in frustration at himself. How could he not even think about  _ that _ ? He scolds himself.

“You’re welcome to stay with me,” Gerard says easily. Frank thinks about this for a moment. What if he starts getting sick with the treatment and Gerard notices and questions? He decides he could just say it’s his immune system acting up as always. What if Gerard questions where he goes on the weekends he has treatment? Frank thinks and decides that he could say he’s visiting his mom.

“If that’s all right with you, then sure,” Frank smiles. He’s happy yet equally as sad at his own choice. He was happy to be spending more time with his best friend and it did give him more time to figure out a way to tell him his situation, but he would get more attached and it would make it even harder to tell him. All of these thoughts were running through his head and he froze once he thought about Lindsey.

“Awesome. Let’s get going. Where are your things at?” Gerard asks. Frank jumps in surprise. Shit, he left them in the waiting room, and he still had to fill out the forms! He realized.

“Oh, I left them in the waiting room. It’s just a couple of duffel bags and stuff. I’ll meet you out front, yeah?” Frank said and left only a millisecond after he saw Gerard nod. He went over to the nurse’s desk and finished signing everything that needed his signature before handing it over to the nurse.

“Here you go, ma’am. I need to set up an appointment for my treatment,” he explained to her. She smiled at him and tapped away on the computer in front of her.

“Name?” She asked, a tired smile on her face. Frank suddenly felt bad for her, because she’d probably been here all night and still needed to continue on her shift long after he left.

“Um, Frank Iero. That’s I-E-R-O,” he said quickly.

“How does next Friday at noon sound?” She asks him, her eyes never leaving the screen. Frank didn’t blame her, he’d also hate to set up treatment appointments for people who were probably going to die  _ and _ have to look at their faces.

“Sounds great as can be. Thank you so much,” he said politely. He watched as she wrote the information down on a card and then took it as she handed it to him.

“Have a great day, Mr. Iero,” she said, only slightly mispronouncing his name. He gave her a small wave before he turned to his things and picked up his two duffel bags in one hand and his suitcase in the other and wobbly walks to the front where Gerard was already waiting by his car with the trunk open. They smiled at each other and decided that words weren’t needed as they put his things away and got in the car. Gerard missed Frank and was happy he was back, but he couldn’t help but feeling that the man sitting next to him silently was somehow different.


	8. I Just Want to Be Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for such a long absence, but here's the 8th chapter! I hope y'all enjoy it!  
> Please keep in mind that the story will be getting VERY heavy soon.  
> If these situations can trigger you in any way, I recommend not reading. Message me at any time for a summary of any chapter!
> 
> Much Love,  
> CL

Gerard helped Frank with his luggage even though Frank tried to protest by saying it wasn’t a big deal, but he insisted and Frank eventually let him. This was Frank’s third time in Gerard’s apartment and he was a little nervous.

“So, I only have one room,” Gerard said. Frank shrugged.

“I’ll take the couch, no worries,” he smiled. Gerard frowned, the lines on his forehead creasing almost visibly.

“What? No. That’s not fair. If you have no problem with it, we can share the bed?” He suggested. Frank kept a straight face while internally  _ screaming _ . It was so tempting, but it wouldn’t be right with him to sleep right next to the older man while having such feelings towards him. Thankfully, he didn’t have to answer, because his ringtone was soon echoing across the silent apartment, pulling their attention away from the situation. Frank fumbled for his phone and smiled happily when he saw who was calling him and answered without hesitation. This didn’t go unnoticed by Gerard who rolled his eyes and walked away into the kitchen.

“Hey, Patrick!” Frank said happily into the phone. Gerard tried not to eavesdrop, but he couldn’t resist.

“ _ Hey. How did things go? _ ” Patrick asked, his voice full of sleep. Frank blushed.

“They went okay. I’ll explain in detail later. Were you sleeping?”

“ _ Hm? Oh. Yeah, I took a small nap. Why? _ ” Patrick sounded so tiny and innocent, but Frank suddenly remembered their time together and cleared his throat as if it would clear his mind.

“Because you sound kind of really sexy,” he said. Gerard covered his mouth in shock and tried to push away the feelings of resent for this Patrick guy, because he didn’t know him and he knew that was unfair.

“ _ Frank, _ ” Patrick whined softly. “ _ Stop. You’re not here; that’s not fair _ .” Frank giggled at Patrick’s complaint before shaking his head a bit. Gerard leaned against the wall in his kitchen and stared up at the ceiling. This was his fault, he concluded. If he’d realized his feelings sooner, he could’ve pursued something with Frank, but that chance was gone. Gerard, for once, had no idea what to do next.

“Okay, okay, fine. I mean it though.” Patrick gave a breathy laugh, causing Frank to smirk. He loved that laugh. He loved it most when he felt it on his skin if they were laying together.

“ _ Thanks. You too. So how are things with Gerard? Have you seen him yet? _ ” Frank sighed. Leave it to Patrick to still be rooting for he and Gerard to get together.

“Actually, I’m here at his apartment right now. He’s letting me stay here for a while,” he explained. Gerard, at hearing that he was being mentioned, instantly perked up. This Patrick guy asked about him? Why? Frank had told him who he was? Gerard didn’t know whether to be offended or flattered. What exactly had Frank told this guy about him?

“ _ Are you sure that’s the best idea, Frank? _ ” Patrick asked. Frank shrugged.

“I’m not exactly sure, but I missed him so I’m positive this is what I want to do right now. But, um, is it all right if I text you later? I’m feeling that plane ride right about now.” Frank yawned, closing his eyes tightly and drawing tears. He was extremely exhausted, thinking about it now.

“ _ Of course. Good night, Frank _ ,” Patrick mumbled, his affection for Frank showing through the tone of his voice.

“G’night, Patrick.” Then they hung up and Frank flopped onto the couch. It was then that he realized Gerard wasn’t around, which surprised him. He always noticed when Gerard left or entered a room, because he felt himself instantly perk up, but he’d been so distracted by Patrick that he didn’t even gather that he’d left. “Gerard?” He called out.

“I’m in the kitchen,” Gerard instantaneously answered before appearing in the living room. “So was that your boyfriend?” He asked. Frank bit his lip, trying to figure out how to word it. Gerard was his best friend and he told him everything, aside from the loving him and having cancer part.

“Well, not really. I met him while I was in Hawaii. We’re not dating, but, um… We, uh…” He stumbled with his words. Gerard felt his heart break.

“You  _ slept _ with him?” He asked. Frank’s face turned a dark shade of red and suddenly Gerard found himself angry beyond belief, but he took a deep breath and let it go. Frank was an adult and he had no right to be jealous. He’d have to deal with it.

“Yeah. A couple of times. He’s an amazing guy. I think you’d really like him,” Frank explained, finally making eye contact with him again.

“That’s cool,” he said nonchalantly. “So how was Hawaii? I’ve always wanted to go there,” he asked. Frank perked up, the sleep in his eyes almost going away.

“It was  _ so _ beautiful, Gerard! The sky at night time was so amazing! Like, coming from a small town, there were plenty of stars, but never  _ that _ much!” The excitement Frank was giving off made Gerard smile. “I took tons of pictures,” he said as he dug through his backpack and pulled out his small digital camera. Frank stood and walked to Gerard, holding out the camera for him to take.

“You’re letting me look?” Gerard asked, taking it from his hands.

“Of course. You’re the only reason I took a lot of these,” Frank chuckled. “Oh, by the way…” he trailed off. Gerard looked up at him and cocked his head to the side, concerned at the shorter man’s hesitation. He was about to ask what was wrong when Frank spoke up, swiftly cutting him off. “I missed you.” And just like that, his body was pressed into Gerard and his arms wrapped tightly around his waist.

“I missed you, too, Frank,” Gerard whispered, his voice slightly cracking, as he wrapped his own arms around Frank’s neck. “Please,  _ please _ , don’t ever leave me like that again.” Before, Gerard thought he understood the pain he was in while his best friend was gone, but it didn’t occur to him just how much his life had been dull until Frank was back.

Gerard knew without a doubt that the man standing right here before him was his soulmate and he wouldn’t have it any other way. The obvious ease of their friendship had thrown Gerard off, thinking it was how friends were supposed to be, because he’d never felt that with Lindsey, but now he identified it as the true nature of a relationship. It was as if Lindsey was just a friend and Frank was his significant other this past year. Without knowing, the two had completely switched roles. Gerard knew he had to end his dead-end relationship with Lindsey, to spare both of them the feelings and time that would be wasted.

After the two pulled away, Frank yawned again as he walked back to the couch and laid down on it, throwing his arm over his eyes.

“Why don’t you go sleep in my bed? It’ll be more comfortable,” Gerard suggested. Frank smiled and nodded his head lazily.

“Sure. I’m gonna write for a little bit before I take a nap though, so I’ll be up for a while if you need me.” Gerard nodded his head and watched as the younger man went over to one of his backpacks and dug through it. His eyes trailed over the curve of his spine, more evident now through his colossal weight loss even through his shirt and over to his bottom which now looked more perky. Gerard had never noticed his behind before, but now he couldn’t pull his eyes away. Just as Frank stood up straight, Gerard tore his eyes away and instead looked at what was in Frank’s hands: a journal and a pen.

Just as Frank was passing by Gerard, he gave him one more hug and went through the door leading to Gerard’s room. He needed to be alone for what he was going to write, because it was going to be emotionally draining. As he slipped out into his boxers only, he suddenly felt kind of  _ dirty _ . He was now laying half naked in the bed of the man he loved and the guy was straight. He felt repulsed by himself and decided that he’d just let it go; he definitely just wanted to do whatever the fuck he wanted and basking his body in the blankets of Gerard’s scent was one of them. He opened his notebook to the first page, being a new purchase, and began writing:

  1. _Make mom laugh every day._



Frank looked away feeling the water building up in his eyes and tried to blink them away. He loved his mother dearly, but hadn’t be able to call her. Hearing her concerned voice would be too much for him and he wouldn’t know what to do with his emotions. He sighed shakily and went back to writing.

  1. _Run through a field of sprinklers (possibly in the rain)_



He smiled at his one. Since he was a little boy, he’d always dreamed of wanting to run through the water across the clear field. He imagined it’d be exactly as he always thought it would be, absolutely freeing. Like nothing could hurt him or like nothing wanted to. Like he was an 18-year old man who worked a normal job, had a few friends he wanted spend time with, and was in love. He wanted to live his life without worrying if he was going to be alive the next day or not.

  1. _Sneak into a golf course at night and run around barefoot_



It occurred to Frank that many of the things he wanted to do seemed childish, but he found himself not caring. It was his life and it was  _ way _ too short to be spent worrying about what other people thought. Just like the field, Frank always wanted to feel the well cut grass under his bare feet with nothing but his thoughts surrounding him.

  1. _Play at least one show with Gerard_



He smiled thinking about how that would feel. His could already feel his shirt clinging to his body from the sweat of thrashing around in a stuffed venue and it sounded like Heaven, especially sharing the stage with his best friend. There was almost nothing Frank wanted more than to be up there with Gerard.

  1. _Try on a wedding tuxedo_



He sighed deeply, thinking of the wedding  _ and _ family he’d never have. He always dreamed of he and Gerard getting married and then adopting kids a couple of years later and then watching as their children grew and left the nest before growing old together. He needed to let those dreams ago, he understood this, but his heart would not comply and it never would. His love and need for Gerard was much too strong to ever do that.

  1. _Visit New Zealand and do whatever the fuck I want._



He’s always wanted to do this and once tried talking his mom into it, but she said that it was something he’d have to do alone because she didn’t want to fulfill his father’s dreams without him, as much as she loved her son. He understood and didn’t hold the sensitivity of the words heavy in his heart. He decided he would travel during his second and third treatment appointments.

  1. _Change someone’s life for the better_



Holding this number close to his heart, Frank vowed to do right by anyone who needed  _ someone _ . He wanted to be someone’s anchor and ground them to see the bright side of all of the horror in world. It was something he always wanted to experience himself, but would not hesitate to be the same for someone else.

  1. _Write my story, no matter how short and leave it behind_



Frank always wanted to write about what he felt growing up in a household with his parents always fighting because his father was an alcoholic, how his father’s illness affected him, and how his own illness affected him. It was something he needed people to know before he passed on. He needed to know he left  _ something _ behind in this world for his mother and Gerard and his friends.

  1. _Visit my dad’s grave and apologize for being angry with him_



This was something Frank hated talking about. He felt upset with himself for never going back to that cemetery after his father’s funeral all those years ago. He didn’t want the only thing left of his dad to be a headstone settling at the head of a patch of dirt. His mother visited every weekend and used to often insist that Frank accompany her, but he always refused. He was angry with his father for the longest time for abandoning them, but now his  _ heart _ finally understood it wasn’t his choice, just like it wasn’t Frank’s. It was time to let his father know it was okay now, that he was forgiven even if Frank felt he was the one who needed to be forgiven. Which led him to his next number.

  1. _Forgive God_



Since his father had gone, he  _ despised _ what people looked to as the “Savior of Our World” and turned his back on his religion. Although he couldn’t see himself going back to his faith, he knew it was time to let go of his anger and live the rest of his life in nirvana before he joined his father on the other side, wherever he was. By this time, his eyes felt too heavy to go on so he closed his notebook and tossed it on the bed next to him, already falling into his dreams, hoping they would come true one day.

Gerard sat in his living room staring at Frank’s luggage and holding the digital camera in his hands. He found himself almost afraid to go through it but he couldn’t place why. Setting aside his nervousness, he turned it on and began scrolling through the pictures. Many of them were of different mountains in the distance and quite a few of them were of the sunsets hanging just over the ocean. Gerard felt his smile growing bigger and bigger with each picture, occasionally running into some of Frank’s selfies and giggled at the younger man’s adorableness. But his heart stopped when he came to a picture of Frank lying next to another man on what looked to be on a bed with no shirts on (he hoped that was all that wasn’t on) and the blanket pulled up to their chests. The other man was hugging Frank, his arms wrapped securely around his neck and his face nearly hiding in the crook of his best friend’s neck. Frank was holding the camera up, but smiling a smile Gerard had never seen before, a bright smile. A smile full of  _ hope _ .

Gerard felt his heart jump from his chest and throw itself into the garbage disposal. Sure, Frank had said they weren’t dating, but they’d slept together and from the smile on both of their faces, Gerard concluded that they wanted to be. Feeling the anger surge through him, he abruptly stood, tossing the camera on the sofa cushion beside him and storming into his bedroom. He paused his movements when he noticed Frank was asleep in his underwear on his bed with a spiral barely clinging to his fingers and the pen held in the other hand loosely. He stood over the sleeping man and observed his face and how beautiful he looked. In all the time he’d known his friend, he was never truly relaxed, but since he’d ran into him this morning, he seemed like he was living without a care in the world. He felt angry once again, trying to push away the fact that Patrick had something to do with Frank’s newfound attitude. He exhaled angrily through his nose and reached over to grab the journal and flipped it open. He was far too angry to care about privacy, he thought to himself as he read the list titled ‘ _ THINGS TO DO BEFORE I DIE’.  _ As he read over the list, his eyes watered and he made a mental note of each number, engraving it into his memory to try and help Frank accomplish these goals. He didn’t know why someone at the age of eighteen was writing a bucket list, but he concluded that a lot of people start bucket lists long before even Frank’s age. It briefly crossed his mind that Frank sounded like these were the very  _ last _ things he wanted to do with his life, but he pushed it away. Frank would  _ definitely _ tell him if there was something serious going on with him, so he was positive he had nothing to worry about.

The number that especially made his heart swell was number four, and he decided that he’d try working on that soon. With Ray being a guitar God and Mikey being kick-ass on the bass, they already had half a band. All they needed was a drummer. Bob came into his mind and he made a mental note to ask him when he returned to work sometime. A lot of the list was made up of simple things, Gerard noted, and that was odd to him. Most people write down over extravagant things- not that there was anything wrong with that- but Frank had written down easy things. Sweet things. Almost… _ Last resort _ things. Gerard decided once again not to dwell on an absurd idea and set the notebook, along with the pen, down on the nightstand next to his bed.

His eyes once again roamed the body of the younger man, and took notice of how his ribs were slightly showing more than they used to. The once light gray circles under his eyes have now turn nearly black and his skin looked pale. If he weren’t acting so cheerful and full of life earlier, Gerard would guess that he caught some other bug that would cling to him until he looked near death, but he assumed he was just exhausted from the flight and probable lack of sleep. It was still about six hours until he needed to start getting ready for work so he decided to shut off the lights about the apartment and slide right into bed next to Frank after undressing to just his shirt and briefs.

For a little while after settling in bed, he decided to scoot closer to the other man and delicately snuggle into his side, letting his forehead rest against Frank’s shoulder. He definitely loved this man and he couldn’t stand to know that his heart probably belonged to someone else now.

*

Gerard awoke unwillingly by his alarm and rolled off his bed after shutting it off. He looked back over his shoulder to check on his friend but was worried when he noticed his side was empty. He walked out into the living room.

“Frank?” He called out. There was a brief silence before he heard his best friend’s voice.

“I’m down here,” he said. Gerard looked over to the television where the voice was coming from and noticed Frank’s bare legs sticking out from behind it.

“What are you doing?” Gerard ask, a smile forming on his face.

“I’m plugging in my DVD player so we can watch some movies,” Frank responded before cheering in triumph at putting the plugs in the right place. Gerard raised a brow.

“But I have Netflix?” He said, sounding like a question. Frank crawled out from behind the TV and visibly slumped.

“Oh,” he mumbled.

“No, I mean, we can still watch the DVDs and everything. I was just letting you know that we also have Netflix. We can watch some after I get out of work since I’m off tomorrow,” he assured Frank, who smiled instantly.

“Sounds great! Speaking of work, um, would it be okay if you didn’t tell anyone I was back?” He asked, a sheepish smile planted on his face. “I’d rather it stay between us.”

“Sure, if that’s what you want. Did you want anything special for dinner tonight? I could pick something up on my way home,” Gerard asked. Frank shrugged.

“What do you feel like eating?”

“I’ve been  _ craving _ Chinese food, but I’m broke so I can’t afford that,” he sighs sadly. Frank chuckles and pulls out his wallet, and then hands him a fifty-dollar bill.

“Let’s eat Chinese tonight. My treat, okay?” Gerard shakes his head.

“I can’t take that, Frank. We’ll get something cheaper.” Frank rolls his eyes and then shoves the bill into Gerard’s front pocket, catching him off guard.

“Well, I want Chinese. You can get whatever you want, but I’m havin’ that, so take your pick,” he smiles. Gerard smiles back, clearly defeated. Frank always knew how to offer him something and actually get him to say yes. Like the time Frank went to a small tea shop of ordered a box of taiyaki sweet cakes, he took exactly one of them over to Gerard and explained to him that he was saving that one for him and wanted him to try it. Gerard, unable to say no to that kind of sentence, ate it and  _ loved _ it. The rest of the day, Frank would hand him one every now and then and Gerard wouldn’t question it. Frank knew him well enough to know that Gerard would decline his offer if Frank held the box out to him, so instead he offered him one with no box in sight and it worked.

Gerard realized he was probably easy for Frank to read, but he didn’t mind that. He loved him and wanted him to see every side of him, especially the sides that no one saw.

“All right. You win. Chinese, it is. I’ll be home around ten or so, you know how it is, so just be safe here, okay?” Gerard assured. Frank nodded and got down on his knees in front of his backpack, digging through it. Gerard raised a brow until Frank held something out to him. It was a gift bag.

“What’s this?” He asked, taking it from him. Frank motioned for him to open it, so he carefully removed the tissue paper and reached inside. He wrapped his fingers around a box and pulled it out. It was a fancy looking blue box, soft to the touch, like something that it came with because the gift inside was so expensive. He opened the box and gasped softly, barely heard by Gerard himself. Inside was a light pink bracelet. It looked extremely expensive and beautiful. “What is this?” He asked again, tearing his eyes away from the gift to Frank’s face. He had what Frank deemed his stupid smile on.

“It’s a gift. I thought you’d like it. It’s called a Maile Scroll Bar bracelet. I hope you like the color. Gold and silver didn’t seem to fit you, so I thought the rose gold did,” he smiled.

“This is really beautiful, Frank. How much did this cost you?” He asked, feeling uneasy about the price. Frank shook his head and stood up on his feet once more.

“Don’t worry about that, yeah? Do you like it?” He asked, excitedly.

“I  _ love _ it. Would you mind putting it on me? I’m terrible at those clasps,” Gerard laughed, handing the box over to Frank. After getting it on Gerard, Frank took a moment to look at his wrist and admire how perfect it went with his pale complexion. Patrick had told him what the bracelet stood for when they went out window shopping one day, and after hearing its meanings, Frank bought it with only one person in mind. Gerard.

It stood for Aloha, love; Ho’ohanohano, honor; and Mahalo, respect. Patrick informed him that it was used for couples getting married or given to someone who did something special. For Frank, giving it to Gerard was confessing his love. If Gerard ever found out what it meant, that’d be great and he could finally come clean, but if he didn’t, then that would also be okay. Even if everything worked, he still only had so much time left to live. He needed to be at ease, he needed to be okay.

While Gerard was sleeping, he took that opportunity to look at his appointment card. It was set for next week on the 5 th . From there, he’d be gone for a week, in a hospital where Gerard’s brother was staying. In a hospital where he could easily run into Gerard. In a hospital where his doctor was best friend’s with his best friend. Everything could go wrong before they even went a certain way, but he was determined to make it as far as he could go before he had no other choice but to tell Gerard.

“Thanks, Frank. It means a lot,” Gerard said, pulling him into his arms and squeezing the smaller man tightly. “Oh! I might be home a little later because I need to go have a talk with Lindsey, so maybe around eleven instead.” Frank frowns at the mention of his girlfriend.

“Oh…” He mumbled. “Okay, that sounds great. Have fun,” he sighed, pulling himself away from Gerard. What was he thinking? He’d completely forgotten about Lindsey. Even though he had no right, he really hoped Gerard came home tonight and didn’t stay over at Lindsey’s. It was selfish, but he wanted him in every way possible.

“I won’t be long, okay? I just gotta talk to her about something and then I’ll be on my way home,” Gerard explained. This made Frank feel a little better, and he smiled up at the older man.

“Okay. Have a good day at work,” Frank said. Then he did something that he didn’t register until his lips were pressed against Gerard’s cheek and then backed away as quickly as he could. “Ah, sorry. Um, habit that I picked up back in Hawaii,” he lied easily. Gerard’s cheeks looked red and he smiled back at Frank, shrugging his shoulders.

“It’s okay. Understandable,” He laughed. “I’m gonna go get dressed. I’ll be right back,” he said before leaving the room. Once he was gone, Frank sat on the couch, putting his face in his hands and resisting the urge to scream at his stupidity. He wasn’t even sure what happened, but he couldn’t help putting his lips on any place he could reach on the older man. It was almost suffocating and he couldn’t stop himself. He decided to pull out his phone and call his mother. He’d talk to her about this and see what she thought. As his finger hovered over her contact, just about to press call, Gerard walked back into the room and gave him a small wave.

“I’ll see you after work, okay? I’ll call you before I order the food, so think about what you want, yeah?” Frank nodded and smiled a goodbye to his best friend just before he walked out of the door. Frank listened as Gerard’s footsteps receded and he was alone with his thoughts again. He looked down at his phone again and dialed his mother’s number, but then quickly hung up and tossed his phone aside. He couldn’t call his mother today and he didn’t even know when he felt like he actually could. He felt as though calling his mother and hearing her voice would make him crumble and spill all of his secrets. He wasn’t sure how he’d even tell her to begin with. He felt like he needed to, but his mother had already lost his father and now there was a  _ huge _ possibility that she was going to lose her only son.

His heart clenched in his chest and he decided to save it for another day. He went over to his suitcase and pulled out a few movies with him. He needed to go back to the storage and get his other movies, but for now he’d settle with Forrest Gump; one of his favorite classics.

*

Gerard sighed as he stood in front of Lindsey’s apartment door, his heart pounding in his chest, and his body breaking out into a small sweat. He’d been with his woman for a very long time and now it was time to let go. Slowly, he raised his arm, knocked a couple of times, and then waited. It wasn’t long before the door was unlocking and being opened.

“Gerard?” Her voice broke through his ears. He gave her a sheepish smile as he looked at her beautiful face. He’d always love Lindsey, but he could never be more than a friend to her now. He was going to tell her the absolute truth, which had come easier to him than he expected. With nothing but a small push from his younger brother. Had he fallen for any man other than Frank, he would probably be having an existential crisis, but no, it was Frank and he couldn’t be happier.

“Hey, sorry I didn’t call. I just got out of work. Can we talk? I have something to tell you,” he asked, giving her a happy smile. It felt like he was walking above everyone else in the sense of freedom rather than feeling egotistical. He just  _ right _ in this moment, like he was finally making a good decision for himself and he couldn’t feel better.

“Sure. Come in. I was wondering when I’d hear from you,” she answered, stepping aside and letting him in. As he set foot inside the cozy apartment he visited so many time throughout the years, her scent hit him and he suddenly remembered the first time she past him and the scent of her perfume floated into his nostrils. She always smelled like vanilla and he loved it. It was as if it were her natural scent. He’ll never forget that day at the bus stop when she walked past him and his brain short circuited; he knew then that he needed to at least  _ talk _ to her or he’d regret it. He never thought she’d ever feel the same way about him, but it made him feel happy and like he was worthy of love unlike the years he spent alone being told by his own mind that he wasn’t loveable.

The two took a seat on her sofa, Gerard taking her hands in his and squeezing them tightly. He watched as she stared down at their hands and then up at his face with a certain gleam in them, like she knew what was going to happen. Gerard wouldn’t be surprised.

“Lindsey,” he took a deep breath, “I’m in love with a man.” He decided to just come right out and say it. After all, he could always tell her anything. He trusted her. Her eyes widened slightly before softening.

“Is that why you’ve been so distant with me?” She asked, her hands slightly shaking. Gerard nodded.

“Yes. I didn’t realize I was in love with him until my brother kind of shoved the fact into my face. I’m,” he paused, “I’m really sorry, but I can’t be with you anymore.” His voice cracked and it caught them off guard. Gerard hardly ever cried, even Lindsey hadn’t see a single watery eye, but here he was crying for  _ her _ . “I love you, Lindsey, but now only as a good friend and I don’t know when that happened, but I’m sorry,” he explained as his voice trembled and his lips quivered. Lindsey felt relief for the situation when she saw a tear escaped down his face and onto one of his outstretched arms. He was crying for her and that’s when she knew they were going to be okay. She softly shushed him, giving him a smile.

“It’s okay, Gerard. I’m not mad, it’s okay,” she explained, then thought for a moment. “Is it Frank?” She asked, remembering how his face would light up every time he talked about something crazy Frank had done. The same way his tear streaked face lit up right now as soon as his name left her lips. He nodded, a smile gracing his faces.

“I love him, Lindsey. I love him so much that it hurts and I can’t understand that,” he said. “He’s back and he’s staying in my apartment for a little bit. Um, just so you know, nothing has happened between us.” He wanted to be sure Lindsey knew he didn’t cheat on her, because that was the worst you could do to someone.

“No, Gerard, I know. You would never do that,” she said softly. They both stood, knowing their conversation had ended. As she walked him to the door, they into each other’s eyes and sealed their sealed their lips together one last time as he stood outside of her apartment. He remembered the beautiful smile she gave him when he first said hi to her, and the laugh at the excitement in his eyes at receiving her number, he remembered the first time they kissed by a tree in front of her house and the first time they made love in his room. He remembered the way their bodies moved together as one and his heart spilled over with affection for the woman before him. He loved Lindsey and he always would, but Frank was the only person he wanted to be with. Frank was the person he wanted to spend his forever with.

On the drive home with their food, Gerard thought about how they could start over and thought about how he would plan to tell Frank he was in love with him. He thought about the different possibilities to Frank’s reaction, but he was certain none of them could be harmful because Frank was a nice person. He’d at least let Gerard down easily if he didn’t feel the same way. Gerard had smiled so much today that his face hurt, but it was a pain he was welcoming.


End file.
